THE 24 FANTASY LEAGUE ANALYSIS
Now 6% randier!
Hey dude, when's Kim going to show up? She's been warming up a spot on my bench for the past couple weeks now.
- John Mellencamp
"Bench"? Don't complain, cos it doesn't sound like much of a problem to me, any way you look at her. Except maybe not on a computer at work.
Jack Bauer - Another episode where Jack stays under the radar for most of the episode, but he turns it on during crunch time, unveiling not just his Houdini impersonation, but also his mad business skills. Way to show up 10 minutes early to your meeting, John Barrie! (And possibly even a third, unconfirmed skill: You must have seen the look-over he gave the Unicron secretary -- but did he figure out her name just by mentally undressing her?)
Audrey "Rock" Raines - She averted the title of Biggest Bust Since Darko by coordinating the uprising against McGill. Still, I'm not convinced she'll turn out to be starting material. Audrey is more of a role player, and she lacked the upside and intangibles that make for a true leader. See: her confrontation with Samwise -- where was her authority, her magnetism? Plus, her face bugs me to the point that not even sexy glasses can save her.
Vladimir Bierko - He set high expectations for himself -- no more than the assassination of a sitting leader of a leading world power. Though Bierko fell short of that goal, he managed not to completely bode out by scoring a few kills of those police Redshirts for his Terr-O-Meter Scale of Villainy.
Chloe O'Brien - Her slump continues, though she did manage to snark on Edgar once. Nevertheless, serious trade rumors surfaced for the first time, with the Department of Defense coming out as a potential suitor. Which, come to think of it, would give another chance for Sexy!Chloe to return.
Chris Henderson - He came close to pulling off the upset (i.e. killing Jack with a diabolically well-thought-out trap), but his overconfidence (e.g. "In ONE MINUTE, he won't be a problem" (emphasis mine)) cost Robocop the starting nod.
Next column: 5-7 p.m.
Previous column: 3 p.m.
Indie rating: cLOUDDEAD - "Physics of a Unicycle"