DTWS, Survivior, and Sundry Miscellany

So I watched my first episode of Dancing With the Stars (FIERCE FIVE 4EVER 5EVER), and I was reminded why I never watched it in the first place: most of the celebrities are bad. Not an insight, of course, but for all the griping that SYTYCD earns for whatever insincere hijinks it pulls, most of the time the performers look like they belong on a dance floor. Both of these shows tend towards the aspirational corner of the reality tv ecosystem, so seeing DL Hughley plopping around in a cha-cha and then seeing his unconcealed, crestfallen hurt at receiving 12 points for it was the nadir of discomfort, but he wasn't alone. Victor Ortiz and Bachelor guy were notably stiff, and grrr, Jacoby Jones grrr Baltimore Ravens boo hiss, but he at leas he looks at home on camera (even without pads and a helmet). Winona Judd treaded so carefully that I hesitate to call what she did dancing, but at least she brings in Naomi and Ashley (/swoon) as her high-watt rooting section. (Ashley's embarrassment at the phone number mugging was adorable.) Andy Dick wasn't bad, for all the "not smooth enough!" notes from the judges. Aly, check, that, Alexandra Reisman was sadly forgettable. The two highlights then are Kellie Pickler (who is at least light on her feet, but man do I not care a whit about cha-chas), and Zendaya (pronounced zen-DAY-ah!), who despite being all arms and legs, pulled off a genuinely charming contemporary that stands on its own merits. (And wtf, with SYTYCD's apparent brand differentiation of All Contemporary, All the Time, is this DWTS trying to squeeze out its competition/source of new pros?) (And I was modestly curious to see what Lindsay was like outside of a reality competition context, and I still am.)

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I thought I was done watching Survivor two seasons ago (I skipped One World, which apparently was a mistake), but then I'd heard that Hot Brenda (aka The Hot One) was back as a Favorite in the second iteration of Fans vs. Favorites, so with a million holes in my weekly schedule, I figured, why not. Well, oops, she's spoken probably 10 words on camera so far, plus the contestants are reinforcing my desire for the extinction of the human race. And I don't mean only the contestants, but most people who watch the show as well.

To wit: Shamar, tempestuous, abrasive Iraq War veteran, recovering alcoholic, and camp layabout. He was such a drain on his team (constantly picking fights) and daily blowups so constant that they considered throwing a challenge just to rid themselves of him. Which is fine, but Eddie's separating his military service from Shamar's gameplay sums up some broader issues with regards to returning vets. Namely, nobody (in the game or watching it) seems to care about the damage done to Shamar's psyche during his tours, and unsurprisingly (yet disappointingly) pile on him. This is our country: send soldiers into a pointless war, then look at them askance when they come back damaged like it's their fault. Well done, USA.

Second: Brandon Hantz. Mark Burnett et al were morally if not criminally negligent when they first cast such an obviously mixed up kid in the Coach vs. Ozzy season, and to cast him a second time exhibits cynicism and human disregard of the highest order. Burnett and Jeff Probst both say that Brandon passed his pre-casting psych evaluations, but I firmly believe that Burnett and Probst had such a raging hard-on for another Hantz to make the show that they fixed it so that he would pass despite looking bipolar (again, I'm not a psychiatrist).

Corollary to second: in the aftermath of Brandon's crack-up (wherein he dumped out his tribe's rice and beans), Corinne (well-established human garbage) (her and a whole bunch of online commenters) blame Brandon for not just spilling the tribe's food but also parts of their tribal gameplay -- this is the height of myopia, narcissism, and apathy. The kid needs psychiatric help that go beyond the scope of the show, and these people ("people") can't step back for half a second to see the pain that I'm positive is a regular part of his waking life.

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Couple non-tv things I've written. First, a review of Autechre's Exai here. Second, I went to the ballet! Thoughts here. Summary: OMG SO AWESOME.

Survivor: Redemption Island - 22x03 "Keep Hope Alive"

Russell just messed with the wrong illiterate redneck who can barely speak English.

Survivor: Nicaragua - 21x14 "What About Me?"

Distilling this installment of Survivor to a single word, "lopsided" comes to mind. On one end, this season has been marked with uninspired, hopelessly stupid gameplay and the ne plus ultra of righteous butthurtedness, and prior to the finale, the only remarkable aspect of Nicaragua had been Brenda's all-time, astronomical hotness. If we had stopped at the penultimate episode, that single word would've been "boring."

But then, on the other end, the finale just about salvaged the season. The questions asked were on the whole perfectly decent (easily the stupidest waste of a question belonged to Marty, arrogant and preening), but where the finale of Nicaragua establishes itself with how all three of the contestants performed at the Final Tribal Council. Rather than a schadenfreude-fest on the order of Russell getting blanked by Sandra and Parvati, in Nicaragua, Fabio, Chase, and Sash all answered their questions directly, generally avoiding the sort of "I'm sorry I played a game built on social navigation, please don't hate me, I'm really nice if you get to know me" tip-toeing that characterizes those painful-to-watch Final Tribal Councils from seasons past (e.g. either of the ones that involved Amanda).

Even while he explained his actions in direct, unadorned terms, Sash was more explicitly apologetic than the other two, and I wonder if that's why he didn't get any votes. (I thought he should've distinguished the social friendships a lot more starkly against the gameplay and reiterated just how hard he was playing strategically -- the Todd endgame in China, in other words. Sash doesn't quite have Todd's garrulous demeanor, however, so may have had trouble pulling that one off.) That may also have explained why Chase got so many votes, because from my vantage point, Chase had made more enemies on the jury than Sash had simply through his indecisiveness.

Anyway, I hope that the endgames here mark a kind of turning point in Surivor Final Tribal Councils, because unabashed ownership of one's gameplay is infinitely more watchable than someone faintly apologizing and withdrawing from contention.

On top of the performances by the final contestants, I'm amused and tickled that Fabio ended up winning. He deftly fit into the role of affable goof, but to me, he's enigmatic as well, because more than a few times, he did or said something that pointed to a mind that's richer and more wary than the "Duuuuuude! Surf's up!" persona he cultivated. I especially got a kick out of how he acquitted himself in the reunion show, with his hairy-dog rambling and non sequitur asides. He wants to undermine the government with his winnings! How can I not love that?

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Beyond Fabio, the most interesting thing that I got out of the Reunion is how it worsened the images of two contestants. Well, maybe just one -- Shannon simply reaffirmed that he should be left and forgotten in the frightened hatred of seamy, willful ignorance, but Marty made himself even more of a twerp than he was on the show with how he described his non-relationship with Jane. Antipathy is rarely a product of rationalism, but Marty's explanation was couched in rational terms (e.g. he didn't think Jane's alliance choices made him want to associate with her), which made it seem like he was above such questions or that he didn't think Jane deserved a serious answer.

Survivor: Nicaragua - 21x10 "Stuck in the Middle"

Quick thoughts:

• If the food that NaOnka stole had stayed buried, the tribe would have been in better shape after the fire burned all of their stores.
• Now that there's only one Kelly left in the game, why is she still called Purple Kelly? They should give her a new nickname to accord with how visible she's been on the show, i.e. Ultraviolet Kelly.
• Marty's contempt/disdain for Jane was over-the-top and contributed to how little sympathy I felt for him. However, Jane showed some things that rankled me, namely how she tends to reduce people to really reduced types, going so far as to call Brenda an outright villain whom she wouldn't associate with in the game, much less in real life, because of how much she was scheming. Still, Jane totally impresses me with her toughness and I respect her for that without hesitation.

Survivor: Nicaragua - 21x08 "Company Will Be Arriving Soon"

Although reality tv contestants are generally reduced to caricatures by the shows they appear on, I always hope that at some point the genre grows up a little bit and depicts its contestants as something closer to complicated human beings. Almost all the time, though, my hope is at best quixotic and maybe naive, because shallow characterizations are so conventional that they've become an unwritten rule, and their producers seem convinced that such characterization is what audiences want. (They're half-right, of course.) Shows also have very little incentive to buck against conventional inertia because tv's structural limitations (namely, its episodic nature and its time constraints) bias the programs towards simplistic, over-determined psychologies. As a result, I'll admit that complex contestants are a pipe dream of mine, but then! For one eye-opening episode, Survivor (of all shows) demonstrated the possibilities that have yet to be explored in reality tv. As the series that brought the genre into its present form, Survivor has definitely distilled its contestants into broad types, and this season has hardly been any different. In the latest episode, though, all the flattening that they'd done this season was briefly -- tantalizingly briefly -- deepened.

The most egregious caricature has been NaOnka, whose volatility has made it extraordinarily easy for the show's editors to caricature her. NaOnka behaved brutally to Kelly B., an amputee; to be sure, she hadn't cut Kelly any slack for her disability (which, outside of context, is competitively honest and fair; I mean, in competition, you don't want to patronize someone by taking it easy on her just because she's missing part of a leg), but NaOnka veered into the over-the-top bullying when she went out of her way to pick on Kelly because she's an amputee. But then! This episode, she exhibited strategic savvy that her depiction would never have suggested before: she told Alina that Alina was on the outs with the tribe. What's more, NaOnka confided in Alina to gain Alina's trust and jury vote, a strategic move that would've been brilliant if NaOnka hadn't also, in the same episode, decided to hide a bunch of food and cooking implements out of a fit of pique. Still, we got to see her as something more than a mercurial loudmouth, someone who actually thinks beyond the immediate, which was nice.

The real revelation, though, was Alina herself. Although she'd been practically invisible before this episode, and although she was played expertly by NaOnka in the run-up to the Tribal Council, Alina during Tribal Council displayed some impressive Survivor acumen and awareness that you don't get the benefit of seeing on this kind of show. (And, believe me, I'm mad that we hadn't gotten more of her insights until this episode -- what a missed opportunity.) With the votes seemingly split between her and Marty, she argued to be kept around because at this point, she's a swing vote, and swing votes in Survivor can define the texture of the season. It's already an achievement that we got to see a reality tv contestant explicitly make this argument, but then! She summed up her view of the competition thusly: "It's pretty obvious if you want to be smart strategically in this game, you pick [to keep] somebody who's a pawn. And I'm a pawn."

Her argument drives at the heart of the Survivor Worthiness Debate that was most recently extended in Heroes vs. Villains, wherein Sandra beat Russell and Parvati despite being on the wrong alliance for three-quarters of the season. The debate boils down to: Do the so-called coattail-riders deserve to win? Though the intuitive response is to say they don't, I'd argue that when you have a player bulldozing through the season (e.g. Russell) or negotiating with their supposed enemies with a Godfather-like touch (Yul, Parvati), the best response is not direct confrontation, but compliance. If Russell inexorably poisons the whole jury against him on his way to the Final Tribal Council,, and if Parvati's notoriety is enough to make the more sanctimonious players reluctant to award her with the win, then why, if you're Sandra, do anything to give either of them reason to vote her out? Keep quiet, don't get into needless arguments, and collect your million. All apologies to Coach: in Survivor, iron may sharpen iron, but iron is useless against water's formlessness.

That's what Alina was talking about, as I see it. She was too smart to really be a pawn -- though circumstance had reduced her to such a role -- but to her credit, she recognized the situation she was in and gave the other contestants a double-edged lesson in Survivor philosophy: you need pawns to get to the Final Tribal Council, but the pawns, if played right, can become unexpectedly dangerous rivals. (I'll avoid extending the chess metaphor by saying pawns can be promoted.) I've never seen a reality contestant pierce through so many layers of competition to uncover and explain (brilliantly!) the impulses of a show's strategy, so of course, she was voted out.

(I could also point out the endemic double-standard of Survivor, where a strategically involved young woman who was nonetheless compliant with the main alliance was seen as a more urgent threat than a strategically involved older man, a guy who, by the way, has been ruled by his petty passions the last couple of episodes.)

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - 20x03 "That Girl is Like a Virus"

I honestly hope that Russell and Parvati fall in love, because consolidating two of my least favorite Survivors into a couple is a more efficient use of my hate.

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Someone should tell Tyson that Heroes vs. Villains is an all-star edition, and so he should've brought his A-game barbs, not some sawed off wound-licking excuses like worrying for the other tribe's sanity, lame jibes about "steroid sandwiches," etc.

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Don't get me started on Russell trying to talk baseball. He said he doesn't "even like" the Red Sox -- but why would he like them in the first place that he has to qualify his statement with "even"? And big-upping the Astros, especially the unreflective, tribal way he did it, is about the most provincial neophyte thing he could've done. Does this guy follow baseball?

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The challenge was pretty amusing, if only for two reasons.

First, in the matchup between Rob and Colby, the two of them got so covered in mud so quickly that I couldn't tell the two of them apart, which is bad news for Colby given Rob's softening torso.

Second, hahahahah, Coach. Hahahahaha.

Indie rating: Massive Attack - Paradise City"

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains - 20x02 "It's Getting the Best of Me"

Much like Boston Rob's physique, I've been softening my opinion of him to the point that I choked up a little bit when he was afraid that he'd have to be medevaced out of the competition.

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A couple reasons why it's good that Stephen from Tocantins didn't make Heroes vs. Villains. First, Stephen's bromantic feelings for JT might've been tested with Colby around. Second, he'd have possibly been exposed to JT's treachery -- treachery! -- of not letting the "Hero" label limit his strategizing (or, in fact, witnessing his passive-aggressive response to losing the second immunity challenge).

Which brings me to a theory of why the Heroes have been punting immunity challenges in the first two episodes, i.e. being on a tribe called "Heroes" feeds into their egos and creates certain expectations of conduct and gameplay which is either going to handcuff them with respect to in-game strategy or lead to overconfidence during challenges, i.e. too many (self-styled) cooks in the kitchen, something that seemed to happen at the second immunity challenge.

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Speaking of which, while I agreed with James' specific point that the Heroes needed to listen and follow a single puzzle-leader, the way he said it, and the way he kept hammering at Stephenie, was more than enough to reconsider any affection I might've had for him before.

Indie rating: Aidan Baker/Thisquietarmy – "Imagistic Continuity"

Survivor: Samoa - 19x14 "This Game Ain't Over"

1. I haven't changed my original opinion of Russell -- in fact, I forgot to mention then that I think he's irreducibly misogynist. In addition to christening one strategic arrangement as his "dumb-ass girls alliance" and calling Monica "that little bitch," he maliciously targeted any woman who showed the faintest trace of independent thought, and his attitude isn't explained simply because Liz or Betsy or Marisa threatened his stability in the game. For instance, compare his semi-affectionate, begrudgingly respectful decision to vote out John, the one guy who represented a strategic threat to him. You might also say that Brett was a strategic threat, too, in that he would've pulled in the majority of jury votes, and again, Russell heaped effusive praise on the prayer warrior even as he voted him out.

1a. Jaison might not have actually held a grudge for his burned socks, but during the reunion show, Russell might as well have been talking about me, because that maneuver really set me off. I suppose you can call me a very proprietary person. So much for my Marxist bonafides: such capricious destruction of personal property enrages me.

1b. Russell's occupation is the other factor that elevates my hate for him to unmatched depths of bilious contempt. Jonny Fairplay, as annoying and distasteful as he is, only pollutes pop culture and our sense of moral obligations. With his tax evasion, Richard Hatch is a net detriment to American national interests. Russell, as the owner of an oil company, is poisonous to the entire planet.

2. MGK complains that Russell was hosed by a near-sighted, grudge-keeping jury, but I think he's expecting too much from the game's players. Simply put, the jury rarely behaves in a cold, rational way, but instead are fueled by emotional grievances and perceived slights -- that's Survivor history. When has the jury cross-ex ever been anything except a parade of butthurtedness? I can think of one rational jury voter -- Jonathan Penner in Race War Islands Cook Islands -- and maybe Yau-Man voting in favor of Earl, too, though they were tight enough that personal affection could've overcome the sting of getting voted out.

Another way to frame the situation is this: you generally can't bulldoze over everyone and win without having invested in the social side. Russell may think he played a complete game, but if he were half the student of Survivor that he fancies himself being, then he would have taken the social aspect into far greater account than he did. Contrary to what Russell said early in the season, it may be easy for someone like him to get to the Final Council, but getting jurors to vote for him is a more difficult undertaking than his ego is willing to admit.


I also wouldn't be so quick to say that Russell played the best game ever to be played on any iteration of Survivor, since a lot of the strategy that's taken for granted now were conceptual breakthroughs when other people thought them up.


2a. What's more, MGK's outrage goes against the rational(!) explanation of an earlier post on the subject:

[...] there is nobody you want at final tribal council more than Russell, because Russell has thus far engineered the elimination of every single member of the jury [...]

Back then, I actually was skeptical about Russell as the perfect Final Council opponent, because I figured that the former Galu populating the jury would've aimed their bitterness at each other because of their various incompetencies. Of course, they continued to flaunt their rarefied stupidity by lashing out at the final three.

2c. OK, MGK has a compelling point that Russell should've won, but all the same, I'm thrilled that he didn't. During the reunion show, I ate up all the shots of him all pissy and whiny that he didn't win.

3. How the hell are women supposed to win Survivor anyway? If a woman's going to win through manipulation, she'd better hope that she's facing another woman/other women in the Final Council, or else the jury is going to vote based on gendered expectations (read: double standards). Women have won the show eight times out of 19 seasons, which itself is a little troubling, but when you consider that 13 season have featured mixed-gender Final Councils out of which women have won a whopping four times, the case for ideological gender imbalance becomes hard to ignore. When the men still in the competition at the end of most seasons tend to be physical dynamos, women will by default have to rely on other attributes, some of which are going to devalued by other players.

3a. Which brings me to Erik's jury speech, which was a more nuanced explanation than I expected from someone whose two most notable moments of the game were a) getting blindsided by his own tribe, and b) getting blindsided by a clothesline. Ignoring his naive and wrong comments about ethics and the responsibilities of leadership, here's what he said to Nathalie:

People will call you weak. People will say that you're undeserving. But you know what? Why are those characteristics any less "admirable" as lying, cheating, and stealing? Why does [Russell] get a free pass, but your wrong way of playing is admonished? If there's one thing that I learned in this game is that perception is not "reality." Reality is reality, and you are sitting there and that makes you just as dangerous as any one of those guys there.

You would say you are probably the least deserving of the title of sole survivor. But maybe, just maybe, in an environment filled with arrogance [and] delusional entitlement, maybe the person who thinks she's the least deserving is probably the most.

He's basically arguing about the artificial constructs that inform Survivor (which is where he misses the irony of scolding Russell for his "ethical" transgressions), and how "coat-tailing" is seen as an illegitimate way of progressing through the game, when there are no principles within Survivor itself that say that coat-tailing is illegitimate. In other words, the players (and viewers, which is where the bulk of the anti-Nathalie backlash is coming from) bring their own values in when they judge that someone like Nathalie to be undeserving; her lack of desert has nothing to do with in-game parameters, and in fact, in a competition that structurally biases against women, she earns some credit for getting to the end. (Likewise, concepts like honesty, integrity, etc. aren't inherent to Survivor, so within the game, there's nothing wrong with backstabbing, manipulation, and so on.)

4. How about some aimless musing about Heroes vs. Villains?
Villains that I'd expect to be brought back:

• Fairplay
• Corinne
• Randy (Gabon)
• Brian (Thailand)
• Boston Rob
• Russell
• Parvati
• Coach
• Tyson

I would've included Rich Hatch, but his incarceration would make participating rather difficult. Also, there's an obvious gender imbalance, so consider the above list to be highly stupid unofficial.

Possible heroes:

• Yau-Man
• Earl
• Bob (Gabon)
• Sugar (Gabon)
• Cerie
• JT
• Taj

A note: I know lots of people felt that Sugar was a poor finalist because she didn't try to win, but I liked how she twisted the motivations of the game so that she basically transformed herself -- almost single-handedly -- from cannon fodder into a king maker, if only because no one else on the show would ever choose that role.

Yul would be another obvious inclusion, except now that he's working for the FCC, I doubt he'd want to be involved.

Indie rating: Ghost – God Took a Picture of His Illness on This Ground"

Survivor: Gabon - 17x13 "Say Goodbye to Gabon"

Only because I want to preserve my thoughts on Gabon in posterity.

Between the polished turds on Stylista and the twin demons of Randy and Corinne on Gabon, 2008has been the year of All-Time Worst Reality Jerks Ever -- I don't have to rehash Randy's behavior throughout the season or Corinne's "You are an unemployed, uneducated leech on society. And the only thing I would vote to give you is a handful of anti-depressants so that no one else has to be subjected to your constant crying anymore. And maybe if you get some, then it would seem a little more sincere when you are crying about your dead father" spiel. But remarkably, they weren't alone in wretched patheticness during the final Tribal Council. While FTCs are always a parade of butthurt eliminees looking to settle scores, this season's jury had to have set a record for preening self-regard (which I think was mostly borne from the jurors' stubborn disbelief that Sugar could have and indeed did outsmart them). There was a lot to go around, but I just want to highlight Marcus, who mustered all of his vaunted "off the charts" IQ to express his disappointment in the final three for their comportment "in the biggest game of all — and that's life." (Profound and sexy.) Beyond its idiotic corniness, Marcus' little aphorism underscored how people -- and the contestants of Gabon especially -- couldn't manage to distinguish game and real life, which is just one aspect of how difficult it is for people of all sorts to separate art from life. A topic for another time.

Indie rating: Damian Marley - "It Was Written"

Survivor: Micronesia -- 16x01 "You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look"

I'm one of those Survivor fans who both enjoyed Jonny Fairplay what brought to the show and was disappointed when he basically rolled over in the first episode of Micronesia. However, I shouldn't be alone in my misery; with his ouster, fans of Survivor are generally worse off without him on the show.

A lot of Fairplay-haters would say that Survivor doesn't need the type of drama (or fun, depending on how much of a loose-morals libertine you are) he brings, which is what Jeff Probst himself has said. While these folks implicitly admit that Fairplay offers entertainment value, they ignore the fact that he can submerge even the most cynical and critically aware fan (both of which humbly describes me) into unreflective, emotional impulse -- you can't really avoid having an opinion about him. You either hate him or you love to hate him, without a whole lot of additional reflection factoring into your decision. He provokes a visceral, uncomplicated response that short circuits the meta—guessing games that usually go on with other reality programs (e.g. how much the editing is affecting our perceptions, how much influence do the producers/judges wield, and so on) -- and what would've been left would be the raw.

Indie rating: Matthew Dear - "Deserter"

Survivor: China - 15x03 "I Lost Two Hands and Possibly a Shoulder!"

Either the writers on Survivor are still on the WGA strike, or they're erratically incompetent because of how wildly they characterize and re-characterize the players this year. Take for instance, John Hu, whom I'd didn't so much leave for dead but crowned the most dysfunctional tribe in Survivor History™. The episode seemed to start off business as usual, with raging murder in Dave's heart/eyes.



But then they win a challenge (more on which later), kidnap Leslie, and suddenly they're the chill tribe having fun, poised to really take off in this game, as in fly.



Maybe John Hu were putting on a happy face for the visitor to cover up for the dysfunction, or maybe they really do have tensions, but of the more mundane variety. After all, "Dave, stop working so hard!" is hardly grist for a mutiny; then again, his authoritarian leadership style is fodder for future (read: next week) blowups.

Either way you slice it, we're getting an obviously unrepresentative picture of John Hu camplife; editors, please try harder. This isn't rocket science.

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Still, I can't hold anything against a dude who does the Naked Cat during a challenge.

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The John Hu ladies saved the tribe's collective bacon. The only reason their tribe won the reward challenge was because the ladies all went first and Sherea, Peih-Gee, and Jaime swept Fei Long's women.



When you're good, you get to fist-pump.

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With Survivor's long History™ of promoting disabilities awareness, this season has taken a page out of Top Model's book and included a plainly (and painfully) anorexic contestant.



Some people might argue that accusing someone of an eating disorder based on purely superficial evidence -- such as highly mediated images from a reality tv show -- , but as no less a philosophic authority as Dave says... And check out her legs!



Not to mention her blistered hands, and her injured shoulder; girl is not in good shape, and I doubt the Survivor diet had anything to do with that. But, at least she keeps her chin up and a smile on her face.

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From the morbid to the cute, just because I love you, the reader. And also Peih-Gee.



Indie rating: David Byrne - "Finite"

Survivor: China - 15x02 "My Mom Is Going to Kill Me!"

Or, I Was Given the Clue for the Hidden Immunity Idol Because God Loves Me
-Leslie

Or, I Gave Leslie the Clue for the Hidden Immunity Idol Because She's the Weakest Link
-Jaime

And with that, Jaime became one of my immediate favorite contestants. In fact, when she decided to give Leslie the clue to the HII, Jaime set off another ripple that looks ripe with potential fireworks. After getting the clue, Leslie shared it with Todd, thinking that the gesture would earn his trust; of course, Todd delighted in her strategic naivete, saying that at the first opportunity he'd eliminate her so that he'd be the only one who knew about the HII. (If she doesn't hate gays now, she'll turn into a Dr. Laura clone after she gets the boot.) While I have to question the longterm wisdom of his plan (e.g. won't someone else find out about it by virtue of the kidnapping format?), Todd really is thinking on a whole different level from the other players -- which we know because he tells us at every opportunity he gets.

That's Fei Long. On John Hu, we've got the makings of the most dysfunctional tribe since Ulong (Survivor: Palau), though vastly more entertaining thanks to how Dave tends to pull faces during Tribal Council and Ashley's surprisingly astute (but ultimately futile) poop-stirring. (And, contrary to what I posted last week, I've come across NSFW evidence (not like that) that Ashley does not have a penis..) Strangely, the tribe hasn't gotten into trouble over who the leader is, as Peih-Gee has settled comfortably into Number 2 and completely disappeared in the second half of this episode. I'm also waiting for Frosti to pull out some ridiculous parkour moves, but given his potential, the potential of a lot of his tribemates (PG, Jaime), and the tribe's losing streak setting it up as underdogs extraordinaire, I'm rooting for John Hu.

Indie rating: Hella - "The Ungrateful Dead"

Survivor: China - 15x01 "A Chicken's a Little Bit Smarter"

Or, Jesus Christ, I Hate Everybody

I don't think I've ever hated such a high percentage of contestants after the first episode, and the chumps and chumpettes made it so fantastically easy.

SUCK LIST

1. Courtney
   Usually, waify + platinum blonde should = Survivor crush object, so you can imagine how hard she sucks that she makes me want eat a pile of E. Coli-infected entrails, scrape out the festering bile from my own stomach, and feed it to her frailty, starting from when she blithely assumed the role of mega more-disdainful-than-thou New Yorker from a total standstill.


2. Chicken
   Least productive healthy Survivor player ever? Humorless freak job. Could've been higher if he hadn't been voted out.


3. Ashley
   Another contestant who had good will coming into the premiere thanks to a former affinity for pro wrestling, but she only reminded me what a socially sleazy entity that industry is. I became especially homicidal when she derided Peih-Gee's leadership skills because a leader isn't supposed to cry, though I should cut her some slack, cos maybe that was her steroid-grown penis talking.


4. Todd
   Could've gained nigh-immediate sympathy when Jean-Robert inexplicably called him devious, point-blank, but then he squandered it all away when he showed how satisfied with his unsubtle gamesmanship and autoerotic back-patting.


5. Sherea
   For looking like she was kidnapped onto the show.


6. Jean-Robert
   Not just because he's overestimating his people-reading skills, which was compromised by his poor gamesmanship ("Hi, I know you're devious, let's be friends!"), but also for parading around with a poker-player's gut.

Even the players I like, I hate, particularly Peih-Gee, who's got that hot ugly girl thing I love, not to mention Zhang Ziyi's ears, but for having an attention-starved sense of humor.

Finally, note to Probst: It's not pronounced "John Hu," it's "dzan hu," you've got to place the middle of your tongue on... oh what's the use, Anglo infidel?

Not that I won't be watching this season.

Indie rating: Mira Calix - "Belonging (No Longer Mix)"

Survivor: Cook Islands - Revisited

Or, This Fule Completely Misses the Point

I've come to decide that when Survivor announced the Racial Islands edition, the ensuing brouhaha didn't arise so much because of race, which was merely the match to the kindling on top of which American culture sits. Instead, Cook Islands illustrated cultural how alienated the sober world of righteousness -- which includes but is not limited to the various minority-rights organizations that warned against the impending race wars sure to transpire from Cook Islands -- is from the fallen cultural demimonde of mass entertainment. As I've said before, if any of the doomsayers had much familiarity with the reality genre and Survivor in particular, they'd have known that the initially segregated tribes would be integrated within a couple episodes, which is of course what happened.
(Really, the worst that happened was a bunch of twentysomthings who got diverted from Real World onto Survivor were thoroughly outclassed and outmaneuvered by Yul, which could be read as various institutions of domination (Stanford, Yale Law, his abbreviated enrollment in ROTC) manipulating a bunch of clueless kids more interested in instant gratification than the strategy required to win $1 million, but Yul was the coolest cat on the island, so no harm no foul.)

The only real fault in that old uproar -- aside from how disingenuous the Survivor poobahs were when they said Cook Islands was a social experiment -- was down to unfamiliarity with pop culture, and really, they only represent the segment of the population that fancies itself "above" mass (read: bad) entertainment like reality tv. I don't want to play armchair psychoanalyst... ok who am I kidding? Of course I do: They're like the petit bourgeois anxious to maintain their seat at the middle-class table and thus refusing the peasant dishes that offer deceptive beauty.

To put it another way, the whole issue points to how certain demographics have abandoned an interdisciplinary approach to cultural commentary and instead have let themselves be, frankly, ghettoized in the proverbial ivory tower.

Indie rating: Kinski – "Crybaby Blowout"

Ten Hours from 2006

I'm a bit surprised that I've taken so long coming up with a Top 10 TV shows, especially because 2006 was a fairly strong year in terms of reality TV plus Veronica Mars (haters can shut it), and that I'm as obsessed with TV as ever. Compare TV to my music geekness, which has abated considerably, though nonetheless I've decided on a moderately stable list of 10 albums:

1. Boris, Pink


2. The Pipettes, We are the Pipettes


3. Joanna Newsom, Ys


4. Bardo Pond, Ticket Crystals


5. Espers, II


6. Isis, In the Absence of Truth


7. OOIOO, Taiga


8. Saint Etienne, Tales From Turnpike House


9. Camera Obscura, Let's Get Out of This Country


10. Eluvium, When I Live in the Garden and the Sea

Special mention goes out to Electrelane's Singles, B-Sides & Live collection.

Anyway, back on the TV front. To cut some suspense, stuff that is totally up my alley -- Justice League Unlimited, Teen Titans, and Battlestar Galactica -- aren't on the list because like a failed nerd, I only started watching their first seasons this year -- I have a feeling that once I get completely caught up, a lot of reality tv would get bumped off this list.

So, without thematizing the entire year (which, if you ask me, is an exercise in futility and arrogance), an ascending list of my favorite hours from 2006 with brief-to-briefish commentary:

10. So You Think You Can Dance, Top 10 Dancers (2x16)
The judges were witless annoyances, the reality wasn't narrative-based, and I still don't know a quickstep from a jive, but SYTYCD is the younger, snottier, snappier, and sometimes "edgier" (i.e. including krumping as a style) version of Dancing with the Stars. Clearly, all of the hip-hop styles are on the show to appeal to younger viewers, who would be more familiar with popping-and-locking than fan kicks, but amazingly, the most impressive, sublime moments of the second season of SYTYCD were lyrical, paso doble, and the Cuban rumba, and this episode featured two of these styles. As shallow eye-candy goes, SYTYCD is fluffier (even if the final prize is actual employment for the winner), but as camp as a high-energy disco number, fluffy goes a long way.

9. The Amazing Race, "5 Continents...10 Countries...And More than 59 Thousand Miles!" (9x12)
Wherein smelly hippies flex their brains to beat almost heterosexual fratties!

8. Scrubs, "My Transition" (5x18)
OK, so Scrubs makes the list 9.5 hours. Add "My Urologist" (5x17) if you're into Dr. Acula. Vampires and absurdist high-comedy -- how could I not love this?

7. Friday Night Lights, "Pilot" (1x01)
Friday Night Light perfectly blends the football action with searing melodrama in its first episode. Also: QB1 vs. QB1.

6. Survivor: Cook Islands, "People That You Like Want To See You Suffer" (13x10)
Many reviews point to the preceding "Mutiny" episode (where Candice, and then Jonathan, abandoned the Aitu (Survivorese for "hero") Tribe) as the turning point of Cook Islands, since it turned the most likeable contestants Ozzy and Yul, who to that point were among the likeliest contenders to win the game, into underdogs. At the same time, the other tribe, composed of young white kids (& Nate), dared to treat the solemnity of the Survivor as no more than The Real World: Cook Islands, thus earning the contempt of most viewers. (Insert boring tangent about how the white kids, AKA the face of homogenous America, rejected the Protestant Work Ethic, which the two Koreans, a Mexican, a black woman, and a middle-aged Jew were left to pick up.) In other words, "Mutiny" completely deserves its place in Cook Islands lore, but in all of 2006, I don't think that my schadenfreude got as much of a work out as it did when I saw Candice blub because she was surprised that the tribe she betrayed to make out with her show-boyfriend was angry at her.

5. Project Runway, "Designer's Best Friend" (3x03)
Just about any episode could've made this list (like Kayne's Marilyn Monroe riff), but seeing how Laura interacted with her dog was just too priceless. (Not to mention the first of Angela's many disasters.)

4. Heroes, "Fallout" (1x11)
Lost-lite, but a very candy-coated version that, thus far, doesn't take itself quite as seriously as its progenitor, as summed up by Matt and FBI Girlfriend's telepathic flirting (better known as the awesomest exchange between shippy characters ever).

3. Lost, "Live Together, Die Alone" (2x23)
Even though Lost consistently disappoints and frustrates me, the finale to season 2 rates this high almost because it stands out so much from the rest of that tease of a season, much of which was satisfied with maintaining its insular little world as the series became preoccupied with drawing out its status quo. Without answering existing questions, the show introduced new mysteries that were entirely within the parameters of the status quo, and as a result, many viewers felt like they were strung along. But by the finale, Lindelof, Cuse, et al seized the chance to blow up the insular little world they'd created and show us that, yes, another world existed beyond the Island, a world much larger with a whole different vocabulary to describe its own questions. (Unsurprisingly, this outside world has been a non-factor in season 3.)

2. Veronica Mars, "Not Pictured" (2x22)
Maybe my taste is questionable (obviously it is with all these reality tv shows), but Veronica Mars was no less enjoyable in its second season than it was in its first. (Caveat: I only saw the mythological episodes that UPN reran during the summer hiatus.) The season finale typified everything I love about the show and even added a cherry on top: snappy and "epic" dialogue that culminated with Logan's impassioned and equally epic speech to V, a reveal that was unexpected but not out of leftfield, and a serious and genuine sense of danger during the climax (which is the cherry, if you're still keeping track).

1. America's Next Top Model Cycle 6, "The Girl Who is Going to the Moon" (6x09)
Before this year, I wouldn't have listed a recap episode at all, much less rank it this high, mostly because it's simply a summary of what's happened so far in a show's season. However, I picked a recap episode is because if it would stand in for the whole season, and I otherwise would've listed multiple episodes of Cycle 6. But "The Girl Who is Going to the Moon" also helped me realize two benefits of recap episodes. The first: "deleted" scenes that offered hilarity -- Joanie doing her Furonda impression, Danielle and Joanie rapping in the kitchen, etc. The second: it allows viewers like me, who originally couldn't stand Jade's mentalism, to revisit such classics as, "This is not America's Next Top Best Friend." The difference between the first time I heard her inanity and the second time were was Joanie and Danielle had both been built up into protagonists who could face (or play) off against Jade. As long as Jade was a credible threat to win, and without any frontrunning girls to keep her winning, I couldn't enjoy her Sister Soldier antics; but when Joanie and Danielle became the prohibitive favorites to reach the top two, I could safely dwelve into Jade's analystic mind.

Indie rating: Joanna Newsom - "Emily"

Survivor: Cook Islands - 13x02 "Dire Straights and Dead Weight" Redux

Indie rating: Murcof - "Ulysses"

Survivor: Cook Islands - 13x02 "Dire Straights and Dead Weight"

To continue some the thoughts I made in my PopMatters article:

Unsurprisingly, Cook Islands reflects how American society broadly turns its minorities (racial or otherwise) into Others -- i.e. the Puka tribe is Asian (note the singular), as opposed to a diverse group of Koreans, Vietnamese, and Filipinos. More pointedly, the Asian tribe demonstrates how the American minorities have internalized their Otherness -- defined by the dominant ideological culture -- and thus they accept and identify themselves as Other. When Cao Boi asked, "What do you call a Vietnamese guy with three dogs?" Alas, we'll never find out because Jenny told Cao Boi to cut with the Asian jokes (second time in two episodes, for those of you keeping count). Why would Jenny, who is Filipino, object to a joke about the Vietnamese? In all probability, her reaction represents how most American-born Asians view themselves and how they view everyone else descended from the Asian continent -- they're Asian as opposed to Filipino or Vietnamese or Chinese. (To be fair, I'm the same way -- I'm bothered by Western caricatures of Japanese, for instance, even though I'm Chinese.) In American history, a more extreme example of this internalized Otherness is black Americans. They're simply called "black," with little to distinguish someone with Cameroonian ancestry from someone with Ghanaian ancestry (for instance), since the slave trade sought to destroy such distinctions.

Going back to the Asian tribe and specifically Jenny: her reaction shows how people -- especially American-born minorities -- are vulnerable to being defined by mainstream culture (see also Althusser's ideological state apparatus). A Chinese-American child is born, and mainstream cultural ideology says, "You're Asian," and the kid grows up thinking, "I'm Asian." In other words, he falls into a role predefined by mainstream culture.

Update: My point in the context of Cook Islands: Jenny has been brought up thinking "Asian, Asian, Asian," so when she heard Cao Boi's joke, she didn't hear "Vietnamese," she heard "Asian" and took offense.

Not that I mean to suggest that Cao Boi is necessarily critiquing how Asian-Americans lose their own cultural distinctions, since we've already heard him use the catchall "Asian" term on more than one occasion.

Indie rating: Swans - "Helpless Child"