(In this case, by "formalist" I mean the producers seem to approach last night's episode like:
1. Insert footage of contestant being moderately catty.
2. Insert footage of Monique being unreasonable.
3. Make the girls over. Show the teary, whiny aftermath.
4. Repeat 3.
5. Repeat 4.
6. Insert footage of girls crying.
7. Start over from step 1.
Still, the cycle is young, though its youth is cause for both hope and further concern. In the case of the latter, what if ANTM has already blown its proverbial wad (to put it with as much tact as I feel like exercising on the show right now), and the show is inevitably downhill-bound? My magnificent brain tells me otherwise, though, since ANTM (and most every other quality reality TV show) picks up once half the contestants have been eliminated.
But all of the preceding was written to justify the use of the word "formalism," so I'll just get back to reintroducing my:
TOP MODEL RANKNESS INDEX
1. CariDee -- Sure she's weird-looking and sometimes the ug, but she's a complete goof. Something like a taller,
2. AJ -- When they de-Gothed her, I was worried, because for me, short hair + GOTH = DROOL. But they didn't make her over dramatically at all, especially when she complained her way to a darker hair color again. Yay for the squeaky wheel getting the grease (AKA she is the hottest one on the show)!
3. Anchal -- I don't like her face as much as others; for one, it looks too much like a square tipped onto its corner, though when she all but threw down with Monique in the phone room, that was, like, word. The balls on this chick!
4. Monique -- I caught myself wondering about the claws-out possibilities of a face-off between 'Nique and Jade. But alas, my rationalism dashed such fantasies: Monique is a lightweight princess (her last name is "Babblesworth," ok?) whose hobagness has peaked, while Jade, let's remember, is a soldier. Still, I need to get my schadenfreude on, and she's the all too obvious heel.
5. Brooke -- Starting about here, I'm completely bored by all the rest of the girls. I suppose Brooke has some wide-eyed and naive charm, but she's obviously just a warm body until the real "talents" are left in the show.
6. Melrose -- She gets points for keeping a clean house. She loses points for looking like she's 50.
7. Shandi 1 -- I still don't know which one she is.
8. Shandi 2 -- see 7.
9. Eugena -- Where's her attitude? And was she actually chilling with Monique (she who poured water and ostensibly stole her bed) in the hot tub? Why no beef?
10. Megg -- Boringg.
11. Jaeda -- I'd like her for her short hair if she had the least shred of walk to back up her self-aggrandizing talk.
But seriously though, "The Girl Who Hates Her Hair"? More like "The Girls Who Hate Her Hair"! Do you see what I did there? These ladies need to check their baggage at the door with all the "Aww my hair looks gross now!! ;_;" jive. Cassandra's freak-out was one (glorious) thing; seeing half the girls openly whining about it is another.
Indie rating: Ellen Allien & Apparat – "Leave Me Alone"