Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Olympics. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

From the Olympic Village

Today I bring a special treat for you all -- guest blogger and philosopher-figure skater Evgeni Plushenko, straight from the Olympic Village.

привет, капиталистических хуесос! That is how we say, "Hello, my Western friends!" in my mother tongue, Russian. I am word-class 3-time Olympian, 3-time World Champion, 6-time European Champion skater Evgeni Plushenko! Now that my event, men's figure skating is completed, I have figured it is appropriate for me to share my thoughts with you on yet another of my triumphant Olympic experiences!

This is a picture of Tanith Belbin:

For a talentless, overweight American, she is uncommonly beautiful, and I find myself thinking much about her, I confess, despite the fact that she is addled-minded and possibly blind. I think about things such as what she would think of real men who do the quad and who are also the first and only sexy winner of Olympic platinum medal. I am just wondering.

Here is a picture of Tessa Virtue next to a picture of Tessa Virtue while she is on the American television show Bones.

If you do not see the resemblance, I must assume you are as blind as lovely Tanith Belbin. I admire Tessa "Bones" Virtue because on her television show she is very very rational and cold of heart, much like our Soviet scientists. Ah, for the old days!

Now do you see? I am not the only one, I am vindicated! Hahahaha.

Finally, I should speak about the figure skating judging of these Olympics. It has been terrible. A tragedy, and it will spell your doom, USA. Now, after these grievances, and without your Governor Palin to stand guard of Alaska, I have sent my good friend Vladimir Putin's head to invade American airspace. Russia has the last laugh. Hahahaha!

Sincerely, with much love,
Evgeni Plushenko

Indie rating: Scion - "Arrange and Process 4"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Obligatory Olympics Post (Nb. Phelps-Phree)

Some observations:

1. I'm a fan of Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, but mostly because of that indelible image of them from Athens. I don't mean this image per se -- more their nearly effortless dominance over every other team, which had an aphrodisiacal effect on me back then. But since 2004, that same dominance has translated any match of theirs into fait accompli -- they almost literally never lose -- and I've also realized that the May-Walsh duo doesn't overpower its opponents because they can out-finesse them instead, which isn't quite as exciting to watch. Misty will uncork a spike, but Kerri, more often than not, dinks the ball efficiently where the other team is not. Are they Americans, or are they Germans? Fortunately, I got to see Elaine Youngs and Nicole Branagh play a couple matches, because their game is almost all about pounding the ball hard. They didn't medal, but aesthetic pleasure! Fwoomp!

2. When I'm not watching women's beach volleyball, I'm watching women's indoor volleyball, and good thing too because the Polish team is a revelation of hotness.

Agnieszka Bednarek


Kasia Skowronska


Many more beauty here, thank Gdansk.

I can say that volleyball is to the 2008 Olympics what short-distance swimming is to 2004 (Natalie Coughlin, Inge de Bruijn, Amanda Beard).

3. When I'm not perving out to female athletes, I'm trying to figure out synchronized diving, which, according to my super objective measure of whatever the hell I'm thinking right now, is the randomest event ever. What's next, synchro weightlifting? Synchro free throws? Synchro discus?

4. And when I'm done with number 3, I'm trying to wrap my head around women's tramampoline. Wuh?

Indie rating: Electrelane - "To the East"