Showing posts with label Survivor: China. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Survivor: China. Show all posts

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Survivor: China - 15x03 "I Lost Two Hands and Possibly a Shoulder!"

Either the writers on Survivor are still on the WGA strike, or they're erratically incompetent because of how wildly they characterize and re-characterize the players this year. Take for instance, John Hu, whom I'd didn't so much leave for dead but crowned the most dysfunctional tribe in Survivor History™. The episode seemed to start off business as usual, with raging murder in Dave's heart/eyes.

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But then they win a challenge (more on which later), kidnap Leslie, and suddenly they're the chill tribe having fun, poised to really take off in this game, as in fly.

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Maybe John Hu were putting on a happy face for the visitor to cover up for the dysfunction, or maybe they really do have tensions, but of the more mundane variety. After all, "Dave, stop working so hard!" is hardly grist for a mutiny; then again, his authoritarian leadership style is fodder for future (read: next week) blowups.

Either way you slice it, we're getting an obviously unrepresentative picture of John Hu camplife; editors, please try harder. This isn't rocket science.



Still, I can't hold anything against a dude who does the Naked Cat during a challenge.

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The John Hu ladies saved the tribe's collective bacon. The only reason their tribe won the reward challenge was because the ladies all went first and Sherea, Peih-Gee, and Jaime swept Fei Long's women.

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When you're good, you get to fist-pump.



With Survivor's long History™ of promoting disabilities awareness, this season has taken a page out of Top Model's book and included a plainly (and painfully) anorexic contestant.

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Some people might argue that accusing someone of an eating disorder based on purely superficial evidence -- such as highly mediated images from a reality tv show -- , but as no less a philosophic authority as Dave says... And check out her legs!

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Not to mention her blistered hands, and her injured shoulder; girl is not in good shape, and I doubt the Survivor diet had anything to do with that. But, at least she keeps her chin up and a smile on her face.

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From the morbid to the cute, just because I love you, the reader. And also Peih-Gee.

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Indie rating: David Byrne - "Finite"

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Survivor: China - 15x02 "My Mom Is Going to Kill Me!"

Or, I Was Given the Clue for the Hidden Immunity Idol Because God Loves Me
-Leslie

Or, I Gave Leslie the Clue for the Hidden Immunity Idol Because She's the Weakest Link
-Jaime

And with that, Jaime became one of my immediate favorite contestants. In fact, when she decided to give Leslie the clue to the HII, Jaime set off another ripple that looks ripe with potential fireworks. After getting the clue, Leslie shared it with Todd, thinking that the gesture would earn his trust; of course, Todd delighted in her strategic naivete, saying that at the first opportunity he'd eliminate her so that he'd be the only one who knew about the HII. (If she doesn't hate gays now, she'll turn into a Dr. Laura clone after she gets the boot.) While I have to question the longterm wisdom of his plan (e.g. won't someone else find out about it by virtue of the kidnapping format?), Todd really is thinking on a whole different level from the other players -- which we know because he tells us at every opportunity he gets.

That's Fei Long. On John Hu, we've got the makings of the most dysfunctional tribe since Ulong (Survivor: Palau), though vastly more entertaining thanks to how Dave tends to pull faces during Tribal Council and Ashley's surprisingly astute (but ultimately futile) poop-stirring. (And, contrary to what I posted last week, I've come across NSFW evidence (not like that) that Ashley does not have a penis..) Strangely, the tribe hasn't gotten into trouble over who the leader is, as Peih-Gee has settled comfortably into Number 2 and completely disappeared in the second half of this episode. I'm also waiting for Frosti to pull out some ridiculous parkour moves, but given his potential, the potential of a lot of his tribemates (PG, Jaime), and the tribe's losing streak setting it up as underdogs extraordinaire, I'm rooting for John Hu.

Indie rating: Hella - "The Ungrateful Dead"

Friday, September 21, 2007

Survivor: China - 15x01 "A Chicken's a Little Bit Smarter"

Or, Jesus Christ, I Hate Everybody

I don't think I've ever hated such a high percentage of contestants after the first episode, and the chumps and chumpettes made it so fantastically easy.

SUCK LIST

  1. Courtney
    Usually, waify + platinum blonde should = Survivor crush object, so you can imagine how hard she sucks that she makes me want eat a pile of E. Coli-infected entrails, scrape out the festering bile from my own stomach, and feed it to her frailty, starting from when she blithely assumed the role of mega more-disdainful-than-thou New Yorker from a total standstill.

  2. Chicken
    Least productive healthy Survivor player ever? Humorless freak job. Could've been higher if he hadn't been voted out.

  3. Ashley
    Another contestant who had good will coming into the premiere thanks to a former affinity for pro wrestling, but she only reminded me what a socially sleazy entity that industry is. I became especially homicidal when she derided Peih-Gee's leadership skills because a leader isn't supposed to cry, though I should cut her some slack, cos maybe that was her steroid-grown penis talking.

  4. Todd
    Could've gained nigh-immediate sympathy when Jean-Robert inexplicably called him devious, point-blank, but then he squandered it all away when he showed how satisfied with his unsubtle gamesmanship and autoerotic back-patting.

  5. Sherea
    For looking like she was kidnapped onto the show.

  6. Jean-Robert
    Not just because he's overestimating his people-reading skills, which was compromised by his poor gamesmanship ("Hi, I know you're devious, let's be friends!"), but also for parading around with a poker-player's gut.



Even the players I like, I hate, particularly Peih-Gee, who's got that hot ugly girl thing I love, not to mention Zhang Ziyi's ears, but for having an attention-starved sense of humor.

Finally, note to Probst: It's not pronounced "John Hu," it's "dzan hu," you've got to place the middle of your tongue on... oh what's the use, Anglo infidel?

Not that I won't be watching this season.

Indie rating: Mira Calix - "Belonging (No Longer Mix)"