I don't think I've ever hated such a high percentage of contestants after the first episode, and the chumps and chumpettes made it so fantastically easy.
SUCK LIST
- Courtney
Usually, waify + platinum blonde should = Survivor crush object, so you can imagine how hard she sucks that she makes me want eat a pile of E. Coli-infected entrails, scrape out the festering bile from my own stomach, and feed it to her frailty, starting from when she blithely assumed the role of mega more-disdainful-than-thou New Yorker from a total standstill. - Chicken
Least productive healthy Survivor player ever? Humorless freak job. Could've been higher if he hadn't been voted out. - Ashley
Another contestant who had good will coming into the premiere thanks to a former affinity for pro wrestling, but she only reminded me what a socially sleazy entity that industry is. I became especially homicidal when she derided Peih-Gee's leadership skills because a leader isn't supposed to cry, though I should cut her some slack, cos maybe that was her steroid-grown penis talking. - Todd
Could've gained nigh-immediate sympathy when Jean-Robert inexplicably called him devious, point-blank, but then he squandered it all away when he showed how satisfied with his unsubtle gamesmanship and autoerotic back-patting. - Sherea
For looking like she was kidnapped onto the show. - Jean-Robert
Not just because he's overestimating his people-reading skills, which was compromised by his poor gamesmanship ("Hi, I know you're devious, let's be friends!"), but also for parading around with a poker-player's gut.
Even the players I like, I hate, particularly Peih-Gee, who's got that hot ugly girl thing I love, not to mention Zhang Ziyi's ears, but for having an attention-starved sense of humor.
Finally, note to Probst: It's not pronounced "John Hu," it's "dzan hu," you've got to place the middle of your tongue on... oh what's the use, Anglo infidel?
Not that I won't be watching this season.
Indie rating: Mira Calix - "Belonging (No Longer Mix)"
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