Friday, September 21, 2007

Survivor: China - 15x01 "A Chicken's a Little Bit Smarter"

Or, Jesus Christ, I Hate Everybody

I don't think I've ever hated such a high percentage of contestants after the first episode, and the chumps and chumpettes made it so fantastically easy.


  1. Courtney
    Usually, waify + platinum blonde should = Survivor crush object, so you can imagine how hard she sucks that she makes me want eat a pile of E. Coli-infected entrails, scrape out the festering bile from my own stomach, and feed it to her frailty, starting from when she blithely assumed the role of mega more-disdainful-than-thou New Yorker from a total standstill.

  2. Chicken
    Least productive healthy Survivor player ever? Humorless freak job. Could've been higher if he hadn't been voted out.

  3. Ashley
    Another contestant who had good will coming into the premiere thanks to a former affinity for pro wrestling, but she only reminded me what a socially sleazy entity that industry is. I became especially homicidal when she derided Peih-Gee's leadership skills because a leader isn't supposed to cry, though I should cut her some slack, cos maybe that was her steroid-grown penis talking.

  4. Todd
    Could've gained nigh-immediate sympathy when Jean-Robert inexplicably called him devious, point-blank, but then he squandered it all away when he showed how satisfied with his unsubtle gamesmanship and autoerotic back-patting.

  5. Sherea
    For looking like she was kidnapped onto the show.

  6. Jean-Robert
    Not just because he's overestimating his people-reading skills, which was compromised by his poor gamesmanship ("Hi, I know you're devious, let's be friends!"), but also for parading around with a poker-player's gut.

Even the players I like, I hate, particularly Peih-Gee, who's got that hot ugly girl thing I love, not to mention Zhang Ziyi's ears, but for having an attention-starved sense of humor.

Finally, note to Probst: It's not pronounced "John Hu," it's "dzan hu," you've got to place the middle of your tongue on... oh what's the use, Anglo infidel?

Not that I won't be watching this season.

Indie rating: Mira Calix - "Belonging (No Longer Mix)"

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