America's Next Top Model (Cycle 10) - 10x12 "Ready For My Closeup"

For such an easy target of gender identity ridicule and as the primary source of so much ironic amusement this cycle, Dominique eventually developed into a pitiable if not quite sympathetic character over the course of this cycle, which just amounts to the death of postmodernity.

ANTM originally designated her as the receptacle for our derision, though honestly, Dominique probably didn't need the help of a tv show for her absurdity to become world famous. But she's plastered over our tv screens anyway, so like the good little ironists we are, we ate up every fiercely drag queen gesture of hers, every act of arrogance, every broke down face she gave, all in the name of reveling in her unfathomable ridiculousness.

But underneath the fun and games lies pathos and sadness. I've never been able to put out of mind how she's been the victim of domestic abuse and a single mom, which only scratches the surface of my disquietude. Sure, her isolation was self-wrought, and whenever the karmic wheel meted out punishment to her, she had brought it down on herself because she didn't realize her own limitations and/or she didn't know any better. That sort of ignorance hardly justifies the level of vitriol she gets, and while the show tried to position her as the villain-clown ne plus ultra (well, at least since Jade), she constantly sought validation the only way a tooth-missing single-parent tranny knew how: by obsequiously undressing her ego in front of the judges -- e.g. if they thought her CoverGirl ad was a hoot, by golly, it was side-splitting to her! She gave the show what little she had to offer while ANTM in turn pushed her to her inevitable elimination while it simultaneously exploited every last bit of ridicule she could provide. With such tactics that underpin how the show presents her, I'd rather throw my lot in with Dominique than give the producers a free pass at such imbalanced exploitation, which possibly explains why her dragginess now appeals to me in a visual way. It's sort of breathtaking:









Well, I feel more masculine now.




Like the disproportionate punishment for her misguided hubris, she paid for the benefit of getting exploited as a source of ironic amusement which subsequently collapses on itself and turns into genuine pity. I say all this not to excuse her per se, but to explain why someone like her provoked such an honest response out of me, which is why postmodernism is dead. Or else postmodernism is alive and well, and I'm merely regressing back into sincerity, in which case:

---

Anya should've won the photography challenge since she had a leg up on everyone else on account of her previous experience behind the lens. (Even if she didn't demand that Paulina growl for her, I mentally squeed when Anya unleashed her tiger schtick again.)



Seriously though, even though she was behind the camera while a bona fide supermodel spazzed around, my attention never left the bleached elfin albino. But she's a preternaturally considerate creature, she gave us a peek at of what she'd look like behind the camera -- if she held...




That said, I'm not terribly optimistic about Anya's chances heading into the final week, as the last time a platinum blonde who had become my favorite reached the top three, she got hosed over in maddening fashion. We've yet to hear the judges subject anyone to the insipid "plateau" criticism (which has always been an inordinately subjective fallacy), so I guess that means Anya is due (as I don't see them painting Fat and Fatter with that particular brush). Of course, the judges would be demonstrably wrong because Anya has absolutely progressed, if not as a model, then as a person who can get off a bus without incident.




Indie rating: A Silver Mt. Zion – "Sow Some Lonesome Corners So Many Flowers Bloom"

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 10) - 10x11 "We Are Spartans!"

This is obviously a rushed entry in an effort to get back onto a more normal schedule, but the show is also turning for the mechanically mean-spirited and pedestrian, spiced only with the occasional Brazilian flourish from Dominique, or when Anya does/says something adorable. Anyway, if the show's going to be lazy, then I'm taking the easy way out too, so on to the entry-proper:

Earlier this cycle I officially gave up on predicting the course of the cycle (or maybe I just made a mental announcement, now that I can't find it), then promptly predicted that Lauren was destined to go far but well short of the final three, Fatima would be gone within two eliminations of going abroad, and Katarzyna was this cycle's ringer/inevitable winner. Well, one out of three is pretty good in baseball, though I should've suspected Katarzyna's fate each time Tyra refused to pronounce her name correctly.



As pretty as she is, I could never embrace Katarzyna beyond her fetishistic signifiers, which I won't bother listing again (even if it's a short list). To be kind of retroactive in my reasoning, the way she responded at panel to one of Tyra's comments reminded me of some of the small seminar classes I was in as an undergrad where the professor encouraged or mandated everyone to participate in class. Of course, not all the students were as brilliant as me; they kept quiet until late in the semester when they were pressed to bolster the participation part of their grade, but without a distinct opinion or argument to make and to make grade, they simply rephrased the question or topic.

Tyra: "You have so much potential. You have this beautiful face and cheekbones and lips, there's so much to work with. But you just get stuck. You have to push yourself, KaTARzhin'."

KAtarJINna: "I tried to do that but I guess it's just not enough, I got to really push it."

This is what she comes up with when to address her personality deficit? But to her credit, Katarzyna carried on Lauren's legacy, which is +2 in personality.

---

I think all of us who have in some way criticized Fatima are, essentially, doomed, because until now, we never knew what she had to go through to get to where she is today.



(Did I do that right? I've never watched The Ring, and almost went with an X-Files black oil joke instead.)

---

Do you think that the nude shoot prize for the gladiator posing challenge was switched to a shopping spree once they found out that Whitney was the winner?

---

So hey, while I'm referring tangentially to Anya, I might as well make another bold prediction: Anya will not win this thing, and will be lucky to make it past this upcoming elimination.

But every second she's still in the running towards becoming America's next top model represents a chance for her to continue to shine brightly with unadulterated good cheer through the veil of cynicism, disingenuousness, and unchecked ambition that enshrouds the show. (Not that that litany of things is necessarily a horrible thing in the context of the reality genre.)

Here she boogies upon seeing the gladiator while the other girls feebly try to hide their dread:



(While Mr. Jay is grateful for deep pockets.)

Here she volunteers with unrepressed enthusiasm to be the first to face the intimidating gladiator:




Here she tries to decipher the cryptic meaning hidden within a Tyra Mail.




Here she greets the den of vipers judging panel with a friendly wave:




Here she gives us a nice, unobstructed view of her sternum:

---

Tyra complained that "Katarzyna brought me back to the '80s" at the week's shoot. No, Tyra, I don't think Katarzyna was the one who put you in a vintage David Byrne big jacket.

---

Nigel was alarmingly accurate when he assessed Whitney.

---

Oh, I'm sure you've got something in your weave so outrageous and resistant to reason that will have everyone talking about you, Ty Ty!

---

Dominique showed real versatility this week, and that's why she's well on her way to becoming America's next top model.

She can do fierce gladiatrix:




She can do shocked:





And finally, here's her Pacino:



Indie rating: The Pipettes - "I Think We're Alone Now"

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 10) - 10x10 "VIVA ITALIA!"

We all knew Lauren's elimination was coming, though not so spectacularly painful to watch. By merely being this cycle's outsider (or as someone else put it, its science project), she never had a real shot at winning or even reaching the final catwalk. And if you took what appeared to be her crippling lack of self-confidence into account, she was kind of lucky to make the trip to Rome, since some of the judges have had it in for her for some time now.

But the one good thing wrought by Lauren's elimination is that I retroactively realized that she went home far too soon, and what's more, the show didn't seem interested in (or capable of) showcasing her charm, realness and articulateness (though she seems to enunciate quite well while standing on chairs and screaming). Instead the show portrayed her half-paralyzed by doubt, barely capable of adapting to modeling standards without announcing that she's a punk rock chick every half hour -- which was a disservice to both her and the viewers, especially since she already knew how Top Model tends towards the ridiculous: "I loved [the show] for the fact that it was a train wreck, but I never thought I would be on the train wreck. That's why I was a little scared at panel, I was wondering when the theatrics would come in."

Her ironized fanship is perhaps the biggest loss for us viewers who appreciate ANTM's particular brand of trashiness (in addition to its other aspects, however atrophied they've become); we actually had a proxy on the show who could have observed and related its sublime absurdities up close and within the narrative of the show itself, but apparently the editors' mandate to distill its contestants into prefab archetypes denied us that postmodern wet-dream.

---

If I haven't been clear this cycle, I'm not a fan of Whitney, which led to some seriously conflicted (if unreported) feelings about Lauren's possible affiliation with her, especially during that infamous gang-up. But as the truth has outed, I'm heartened by the fact that Lauren actually called Whitney out for being part of the malicious crew on the show and counted her among the fakest and least sincere contestants who's nonetheless been pegged for the final three.

---

Katarzyna gave Tyra back some serious lip at panel, which in turn gave us the chance to see (or better yet hear) Tyra at her least invested in the girls and anything about them. But in spite of that revelation (and her enduring Cornellness), Katarzyna still bugged, and her "Oh no they din't" was only the start. You'll notice when the panel played back Lauren's commercial, Katarwhateverdarling was cracking up.



Classy!

---

As painful as it was, Lauren's commercial represented one of the few times that reality tv breached the territory of genuine art because of how it could provoke such an intense emotional reaction, whether the commercial's obvious painfulness doubled you over with the giggles or defied you to look away.

---

I've been thinking more about why a serialistic narrative like ANTM has such consistently rudimentary, uncomplicated through line, especially in spite of how the show is so fond of a sense (or illusion) of diegetic progress (i.e. growth, maturation). This week I've decided that the show approaches its episodes almost as discrete units of narrative rather than more integrated portions of a longer serial story, the latter being the one you'd expect a competition-based program to use. Of course, we instead get the former constantly reiterating the same plot points over and over again, effectively reinforcing the primary characterizations of the girls (e.g. Lauren is always the punk girl, Whitney the plus-size girl, etc.) and all but forcing viewers to respond to these characterizations. Viewers can react positively or negatively, I doubt the show cares as long as they have a strong feeling one way or the other, since apathy annihilates reality tv like matter and anti-matter colliding.

All of the repetition on ANTM also occupies narrative space/time (really, in storytelling terms, those dimensions are the same thing), allowing the show to crowd out competing ways to characterize the girl and assert its narrative agency, over the contestants and the viewers.

---

In one of her interviews, Lauren briefly mentions her fondness for Anya.

Anya, precious little Anya. She lives in Candyland and I appreciate that. I remember Anya was confused when Fatima didn’t have her visa because she thought she lost her credit card!

---

It wasn't all fun and games for Anya this episode, though.




Poor Anya didn't stop at pavement cuisine. (Coupled with Lauren bailing on her Segway , this episode had the most skinny women pratfalls since Ally McBeal went off the air.) Not only did she have to weather Whitney's baffling "so blond" diss -- aside: Whitney's not a natural blonde either, but I'm willing to give her that honorary title solely for her malapropism and because she carries off being a pernicious blond bimbo so well:



-- but anyway, Anya hadn't yet been fully worn down by Fatima's passive-aggressiveness and actually nursed her back onto her feet.



She's really too nice to be human. She's more like... like a robot! A platinum robot!

---

The Segway tour of Italian fashion was laughably staged. Right, modelesque women in Rome just loiter around the streets in couture, possibly eating a gelato while showing enticing cleavage. No, I refuse to believe there's any such heaven on earth for fear of crushing disappointment. Rather, we were undoubtedly treated to a parade of ringers.







Whoops, looks like the show tipped its hand.

---

Why bother with the lipstick?



We've got a queen collection right there.

---

The way the judges received Dominique's commercial, and then how she played along/shamelessly sucked up, shows you how scorched her ego is because of how quickly she appropriates institutional opinions for her own. If the judges find the high camp of her commercial hilarious, then Dominique is going to double over in scene-chewing sycophancy, shamelessness which actually justifies her continued presence on the show, when in fact nobody should amuse themselves this much.

---

Teachable moment!



Fatima coughed into her hand, which is actually an excellent way of spreading germs. Think about it: cough and the germs go into your hands, and what do you do with your hands? Everything.

Instead, cough into your elbow, or your shoulder.

Though I suspect that with Fatima's rising star, these other girls are going to want what she's got, even if it gives them a purple face, or some extraterrestrial infection...

To be continued...?

Indie rating: Portishead - "We Carry On"

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 10) - 10x09 "For Those About To Walk, We Salute You"

I should apologize for the quality of the pics in this recap; they're all on the low-res side, through no fault of my own.



One of the constants of Top Model is its brattiness, but this cycle has added charming naivete to the usual menu of catfights and name-calling over
borderline granola thighs or something (on top of reincarnating Jade into the body of a 45-year-old drag queen). Between Stacy Ann and Anya, we've had a potent if under-utilized sense of wide-eyed, child-like awe at every new thing they encounter.



That's what us adults call a cob of corn, Stacy Ann!




Later, during that hair-raising moment when Lauren sliced off her thumb, Stacy Ann's whole set of reactions was priceless: she's playing around on the floor (not pictured: her building blocks), and you can tell from her facial expression that this is the first time she's ever heard the cries of pain.

I also enjoy her 24/7 fun-loving ways, which we first saw in the recap episode.



It's like there's a party in her jacket, and everyone's invited. This time, even when it's blisteringly cold out, she just can't stop doing the Monkey. God bless our little trooper.

---

Stacy Ann's pictures have largely been mediocre and over-praised -- her meat picture was the best one she took on the show -- but as fond as I am of rooting around the trivial and the annoying, her voice appeals to me. The helium timber, the wild, impetuous inflections and tempos, how tenuously her words are connected to the subject at hand -- her bons mots are a warm box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get, at least theoretically, but while the shapes will be unique and moderately interesting and it'll still be sweet, realistically, you'll merely have a half-melted, misshapen lump with a horrible haircut.

---

At least we still have Anya and her floppy hat, who together have become the heart and soul of rainbow innocence that continues to hold down Top Model Neverland, even if her eyebrows need to be bleached again -- in which case I'd suggest that instead of going for the translucent platinum again, she should opt for something a little more colorful to better reflect her resplendent personality.



When the girls found out that they were headed to Rome, all the butterflies
flew out of Anya's stomach and so excited her that she just had to hug
something.





Anya thus proceeded to enlist and then (adorably) maul notoriously anti-celebratory and overall killjoy Lauren like the latter was a six-foot tall, slightly unwilling teddy bear.

---

Though how could anyone resist hugging Lauren when she's never been so adorable herself? When the judges remarked about how her presence this week had improved dramatically, she had the cutest look of delight and pride!

---

I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Or better yet, my imagination.

---

If you watch Lauren closely, you'll notice that any time the other girls have a celebratory freak out, she's always just meekly smiling in the background.



I have to credit Lauren -- she had to have been a studious viewer of the show to know that Tyra loves to jerk around the girls' expectations. (Some punk girl! Watching reality tv demotes her to merely "indie" now.)



But instead of merely killing joy, she's probably biding her time before she goes through with her assertion that she could kick the blur out of all the other girls, because you know how serial killers and mass murderers practice their craft when they're children by torturing animals?



Lauren's doing it on her thumb.

---

Sandwiched in all the juvenilia was the decidedly more grown-up problem that bore down on Fatima, and over which Tyra was ready to pull a Tiffany because fashion takes priority over common sense. If Fatima attended the photo shoot instead of going to her meeting at the consulate, it didn't matter how well her picture turned out, she wouldn't have been able to go to Rome. Neither of the choices she had was great, and she picked the one that gave her the best chance of continuing in her hopes of becoming America's next top model.



She needed all the help she could get, too, because her skin was looking pretty gross -- stress-related acne, surely. Her weave also could've used some more attention, as it was looking pretty raw by the time Tyra made her grovel in thanks for letting her be eliminated in the first Italian challenge (second, tops).

---

Was this relentlessly cheesy shot the best one that Whitney took?

While she's pretty entrenched near the bottom of my regard, I was surprised that the panel piled on her for what they perceived as pageant inauthenticity -- hasn't she been carrying herself pretty much the same way throughout the competition? And even though her performance in Paulina's mock interview session sounded rehearsed and was bled of charisma -- ol' Whit could take lessons from our mistress of elocution -- she at least articulated them cogently, which is at least a nice change of pace from the equally stock answers given by the other girls.

Whatever the case, it's time to take out the trash.

---

Nigel was just a leisure suit short of turning into the drunk and occasionally inappropriate uncle that we know all judges named Nigel to be.

---

Where Jaslene walked like this all day, every day, Dominique's hair gets the There's Something About Mary treatment all night, every night.

---

Drag Watch!



So much for my hypothesis that her femininity was improving as the cycle went on.

Fortunately, Dominique's walking disaster didn't stop the other girls from looking utterly fabulous at the photoshoot. (Though by other I mean Lauren, Anya, and Katarzyna.)



Take a gander at the pics of Katarzyna, Lauren, and Anya (upthread) and tell me that women shouldn't dress like late '40s/early '50s jet-setters.



Paulina said that Katarzyna had killer gams -- I don't necessarily disagree, but those boots! I would give up my tenuous hold on heterosexuality for those darlings.

Indie rating: The Pipettes - "Just Be Yourself, Baby"