Monday, June 04, 2012

America's Next Top Model: British Invasion (Cycle 18) - 18x13 "Season Finale"

And we all thought that Tyra would barrel over common sense in a rush to exert her brand of global hegemonic dominance, but then, reining in the runaway egotism characterized by using ANTM as a venue to express her unifying theories of everything (which leitmotif has dominated the show for several years running), she surprises us with an astonishing display of sober restraint and chooses the right winner.

Not to say that Laura, whose reformed runway walk seemed to provide sufficient cover for the inevitability of her victory, would've been an inarguable shambles of a decision -- her portfolio is hard if not impossible to deny -- but if there had been a would-be model tailor-made for the competition, she'd be Sophie.

And since she is now Queen (with all due apologies to Catherine), I wonder if Sophie can throw her weight around and #firekellycutrone, though at the same time, I've never known a Queen to mangle Italian so. (In truth, her reading of "Buongiorno Bellisimas" in the Tyra Mail is the lulz -- and its accompanying declaration that that phrase isn't even Chinese -- and I thought that if anyone would embarrass herself entertain me so much, she'd be American. Like, being from Oxford should've insulated her against such cossetted parochialism? Or something?)

One troubling point, however. Those of us who find joyously pink cosmic balance in Sophie winning are, I suspect, largely the same people who also felt that Tyra did Azmarie a favor in eliminating her so much earlier than we expected (i.e. because of the poison crown that tends to be the Top Model title, Az lucked out by simultaneously raising her profile among the proletariat without overexposing herself to the abusive, degrading whims of reality television). Can we have it both ways, when for one person who say, "She didn't need to win," and for the other person we say, "Congratulations for winning"? That our moral calculus warps so easily reveals the irresistible persuasiveness of the reality genre: if we witness a competition where people are constantly eliminated and only a single contestant can enjoy its spoils, dedication to principles become more pliably transactional.

Right then. I'll just add two things.

First, Annaliese's outfit:

Well, I don't have an opinion either way, but I just wanted to point out: GLASSES. Girl was holding out on us the whole competition, NOT COOL.

Second, I didn't think that anything could top Laura's "Dream Come True" ad in terms of sheer, fugged out lulz, but Tyra and her ego couldn't let anyone else lay claim to superlatives on her show, so:

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