24 - 5x07 "1 P.M. - 2 P.M."

THE 24 FANTASY LEAGUE ANALYSIS

Start 'em
Jack Bauer - Every once in a while, in the midst of putting up his usual Unnecessary Violence stats (that poor frontdesk guard!), Jack has occasional but crucial lapses in defense, this time coughing up Rossler to the Manufactured Conflict Gods. This key turnover, plus the fact that he had to be persuaded to stay on the case by President Logan and that a stern word from Samwise was enough to stop him mid-torture, gives plenty of fodder to observers who think that he's lost a step after his long layoff. However, these very questions about his effectiveness will probably motivate him to prove his detractors wrong -- don't change horses and whatnot.

Chloe O'Brian - Acting as Jack's eyes in the field, firing Spenser, and telling Edgar to shut up -- Chloe's a triple threat!

Martha Logan - Pimp slap!

Bench 'em
Rudy Hobbit - Pimp slapped!

Mike Novick - He keeps making decisions that cause everyone around him to scratch their heads. First, his plan for a cover-up gets nixed by Martha. Then, he leaves poor Cummings hanging (literally) just so the Logans can see his bloated corpse for themselves.

Edgar Stiles - Sure, his "You, Chloe, light of my loins, did the right thing firing Spenser" was laughably pathetic, but now the way to sweet Chloe luvving is all clear and disgusting.

President Logan - Could he be the dark horse stud this season? Probably not, since his best skill is deferring to other more capable people. For example, he certainly didn't expect Jack to have a brainfart when he said that Jack was our only hope.

Audrey Raines - Unless you're in dire need of a glorified secretary (her dad might be a better choice), leave her on your bench.

Waiver Wire
Inessa Kovalevsky - No way she's 15! She gets some credit for speaking fluent English and for killing Rossler instead of herself as a way to complicate Jack's job. Still, little Inessa is just another in a long line of random one-shot (hah!) characters who exist solely to dispose of other characters.

John McCain - It was just a cameo, apparently. (I didn't know to look out for him, so I didn't notice him at all.) He was probably trying to stop Jack from torturing Rossler. What a killjoy, that traitorous McCain!!

A cougar - With Kim's impending return, a cougar has been a hot add -- but official word from Bauer himself that we "won't be seeing a cougar" this year.

Evelyn - When the smart money had all but left her for dead, she manages to rack up a few points for outliving a bigger White House player.

Next column: 2 p.m.
Previous column: Noon

Indie rating: Shakira - "La Tortura"