THE 24 FANTASY LEAGUE ANALYSIS
How could you not recommend Bierko for a start next week? With the CTU first unit on the bench, Bierko is bound to rack up some easy buckets.
-he hate me, the Internets
First to the reader letter: Well Mr. Smart, Bierko may have the hard-nosed, tough exterior that coaches love, but Vlad also tends to play up to his level of competition -- which also means he'll often play down to his competition. And with CTU opearting at 60% (and that's an optimistic estimate), you do the math. There was a good chance that he would coast in the latest episode, which is more or less what he did.
As for the episode itself: despite the low score, it was a surprisingly entertaining game to watch. A switcheroo here, a revelation there, and most important of all, CTU not fumbling away the figurative ball and actually apprehending someone without huge logistical problems -- all good. Though I wonder: in an office that wasn't scrubbed down after being bathed by nerve gas, would anyone who is remotely concerned about cleanliness be comfortable typing away on keyboards and knocking cups of coffee onto Homeland schmucks?
Chloe "Who are YOU" O'Brian - The sass is back! With her sour gameface back on, she's looking to put her recent struggles behind her, which spells trouble for opposing players. In fact, she's so confident that she's even willing to pay for their dry cleaning.
Audrey Raines - So she's as crooked as her nose. Sources in the Department of Defense are saying that they are close to a trade that would send her to Team Terror for cash considerations, a cannister of Sentox and the ever popular Player To Be Named Later. But even if the trade falls through, her value has just tripled -- she'll get increased action to showcase her skills (such as they are) as DOD shops her to potential suitors.
Collette Stenger - She had an uphill struggle right away, trying to replace everyone's favorite Sexy/Naked mercenary, Mandy. But she won them over by being French and coming dangerously close to having a crotch-holster. And not only did she leverage a sweet deal with the US, she had enough savvy to get her lawyers to look over the deal. Take note, Terrell Owens.
Jack Bauer - Soi Disantra hit it on the head when it said that Jack tends to fall into a midseason funk, and last night was just another example of his March Parch. (Apologies.) Could anything indicate how far off his game he is than the fact that he passed up on a juicy opportunity to torture Collette Stenger? Wake him up when the playoffs have started.
Karen Hayes - A very inauspicious start for the new "Don't call it CTU" regime -- Hayes had her authority undermined from the get-go, and not just once either. Until she posts solid numbers, she belongs on your bench.
Theo Stoller - Even if he got the drop on Curtis, Theo fell for the self-destructing flash memory card trick, which is, like, the oldest trick in the book.
Sexy Mandy - Credible sources report that the next time we see her, "she might be with a German shepherd." Stoller's German, and he likes to sleep with mercenaries, so maybe we'll get a genuine Mandy appearance after all.
Next column: 9 p.m.
Previous column: 7 p.m.
Indie rating: Solex - "Waking up with Solex"