YOU HAVE MY WORD! 24 Fantasy Punditry
Not a lot of fantasy movement this week, with the sole exception -- and yes, it's a pretty notable exception -- of Jack's kid brother rise into league prominence.
In Punditry-related news, I'll be running through potent notables according to their teams, e.g. CTU, the White House, and so on. Obviously, it's been a while since Team Bauer has been so populated; in fact, you'd have to reach back 5 seasons ago when Teri was still alive and Kim was still a cheerleader.
Bill Buchanan - We've seen nothing but toothless play-calling from him this year, possibly because of the woman factor. As has been proven by science, Tiger Woods, and Pete Sampras, marriage always "sucks" out a man's "drive," and now with Buchanan's battle axe of a wife coming to LA, don't expect him to suddenly get good again.
Karen Hayes - If your league counts "Helen Mirrenness" as a stat, Karen Hayes is a must-own. Otherwise, you should think twice before relying too much on her.
Nadia Yassir - LOL @ Middle Easterners and their security access! However, I appreciate the sensitivity shown here by simply calling her Middle Eastern, since you know they're all alike over there. Who knows that countries there are over there? Kudos are in order. Her name will be the first mentioned in the usual CTU Mole Whacking game, of course, so if that's your kind of action, start Nadia.
Milo Pressman - Bad decision-making = logging Nadia into the system under his username. Suggested wacky nickname for Milo when he's not smoking crystal meth: Patsy.
Chloe O'Brian - Slow start; in a holding pattern. Where's the real Chloe?
Morris O'Brian - Like several other 24ers, he started out strong but has taken a less prominent role through no fault of his own. Still one of the nice surprises of the season so far as he campaigns for Most Improved Player.
Graham Bauer - You have to admire him for going against the entire Bauer Clan, and instead of chafing under bad chemistry (insert hilarious steroids joke), it's probably better to see him make his power play now than have it drag out over the course of the season, especially if you consider how slowly he was brought along last season when he was redshirted as a behind-the-scenes Terror!Master. Then again, his name is apparently spelled "Graem," which doesn't speak well for his longterm viability. Also, that opposing-Jack thing doesn't usually work out.
Jack Bauer - Punked; apparently he is rusty from his two-year China sabbatical. But in the morally simplistic world of 24, he has nonetheless shown that his private doubts don't show up in his on-the-field performance. Notwithstanding the 10+ CTU agents who died under his watch when he called them to BJX, that is.
Philip Bauer - What started as an auspicious debut -- getting the drop on his prodigal son only to chum up with him on the "report BJX boner (i.e. Darren McCarthy) to CTU" issue, at least provisionally -- fell apart in the clutch when his other son takes over with extreme prejudice.
Abu Fayed - His team-record pace to start the season has hit a wall, since he was little more than a voice on the telephone this week. For the next few weeks, though, Fayed is going to be a must-start as the go-to terror man, but keep in mind: with Al-Assad's trade to the White House, Fayed is not guaranteed to maintain his death-grip on the American public or as head villain of 24.
Darren McCarthy - Completely anonymous baddy, but saved from fantasy irrelevence by having smokin' hot wife.
Wayne Palmer - Uninspired, but if you just need a warm body to fill out your lineup, Wayne should have plenty of traction this season.
Thomas Lennox - Clearly on the rise, but guys who get fast-tracked like this usually burn up on re-entry before the end of the year. A definite sell-high candidate, since his value may not get any better than this.
Hamri Al-Assad - Successfully surviving a trade to the White House, Assad hopefully will be one of the few alums of Terror U. to capitalize on a presidential pardon. Assad is a rare tweener who can benefit whatever side plays him: if he's on the level, he'll be instrumental in apprehending Fayed; if he's yet another two-faced foreigner, he's in the perfect position to cause serious damage. Everybody's a winner.
Small market, inept management, barren talent -- are we talking about the expansion Team Detainment, or the Royals?
FBI Agent in charge - A tremendously poor decision-maker. He's used up what little fantasy value he could possibly have.
Walid Al-Rezani - Clearly hung out to dry by the FBI, yet I still blame him for getting involved in this FUBAR'ed team in the first place.
Heydar - Demoted from Team Terror to Team Detainee.
Sandra Palmer - Avoid at all costs, even if she becomes the last Palmer in the world.
Marilyn Bauer - Considering that she had severely limited minutes this week, she's only nominally a member of the Bauer so far. No doubt, though, as the official MILF of season 6, she has value down the road when she and Jack square off over their implied history.
Rita - Sure, she's eye candy -- and WHAT EYE CANDY -- but given the way she questioned McCarthy in the car, dancing gingerly (yum) around the identity of the person he was talking to and such, she may be called up later in the season as a CTU deep cover agent.
Indie rating: Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso U.F.O. - "The Assassin's Beautiful Daughter"