Hi everybody, Matt from Cave 17 here, because Leee is offf being a geeeeeek. Don't expect any video or audio highlights, or really insight of any kind -- not because I'm not insightful in my own debonair way, but because I'm watching this really late at night because I took the kids to see a beautiful outdoor production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and we just got back and now I'm watching the DVR version all quick fast and in a hurry, don't worry, Mattvision ain't blurry. Here we go with my top 25 observations about this week's show.
1. Cat to the Dizzle rockin' the LBD. I'm sorry, there's no denying LOLCat, and I don't even automatically lust after blondes. She's scrummy, and the twisted weird nose thing just salts it. My daughter and wife rate her outfit and hair every week and she usually comes out with an excellent score, which cannot be said for Tom Bergeron or Drew Carey. Kat's also a really good supportive sympathetic host, as long as she forgets to say "I hate Thursdays," which I'm over by a lot.
2. "Here Are Your Dancers America" opening honors split between Twitch and Joshua.
3. Getting real sick of the "IV Real thing" and the show's just begun. I liked it at first and wasn't offended by it, because I'm a white guy (with a lot of non-white people in my family) who mostly dislikes white people, or at least the White Advantage...but now I'm like okay, what would I think about this if I'm some conservative ofay sitting at home and I'm kinda iffy about most people of color and now here are the four black dancers with their special gang sign and their secret club that you can only be in if you're black and OH I AM OVERTHINKING THIS OKAY LET THE KIDS HAVE THEIR FUN SHUT UP MATT. LEEE WOULD NEVER DO THIS, WHERE IS LEEE WE MISS HIM.
4. Oh my god Toni Basil is the guest judge, I have had a crush on her since before "Mickey" -- her choreography for the early Talking Heads videos ("Crosseyed and Painless," "Once in a Lifetime") was so far off the hook that it STILL gets a busy signal. This is huge, but you whippersnappers don't know it because you're all younger than me and I kind of hate you but in a nice way.
5. Couple one, dance one: Courtney and Will's samba, choreography by Jean-Marc. Why was this done to dancehall music, do they hate actual Brazilian music? Did they run out of lame will.i.am remixes of Sergio Mendes? Anyway, I'm underwhelmed, this doesn't seem like a samba at all, and it's not anywhere near as sexy as it needs to be. There is about as much chemistry between them as ZERO, sadly, but Nigel disagrees with me because he is not very smart, and Mary Murphy and Toni Freakin' Basil fall in line.
6. Comfort's solo dance: She didn't exactly shake the pillars of heaven here, but it was pretty okay stuff. She's still pretty cute but come on.
7. Couple two, dance one: Twitch and Katee, choreo'd by Mia Michaels. I've loveded Twitch since last year, and Katee has grown on me like a carbuncle, now I think she's fierce hot stuff. So am I happy to watch them do their business in a psycho contempo, to make out furiously and hump a door and nail just about everything they were asked to do. Nigel does an ancient joke, Mary screeches like a prog owl, TFB purrs "aren't you guys lucky" and tells Twitch to get on his knees and I passed out.
8. Will's solo dance: Mimesis plus James Brown plus a wig equals WHOA.
9. Couple three, dance one: Comfort doesn't seem happy about being paired with Mark, especially, but it's a Nap&Tab hip-hop jam so they should be okay. Will it be the one good one they do every week or the one boring-ish one? Well, I am voting "former" rather than "latter," sadly. Nigel thinks they nailed it, I think he's high. Comfort really only likes dancing with street dancers, doesn't she?
10. Can I punch that Spencer guy in his balzac? Please? Hate that dude, and his commercials.
11. Katee's solo dance: Boring thing to a tepid Celine Dion track. Meh.
12. Couple four, dance one: Joshua & Chelsie, tango chor'ed by Dmitry "Oops lost my shirt" Chaplin. Damn, this is one sexy dance y'all. Both acquit themselves nobly, but I would have been disappointed if they hadn't. Fave so far...but that doesn't mean much, no one's been cracking it up yet at all.
13. Mark's solo dance: Oh snap, not only is he rocking it to Santogold, but he's also tossing himself around like a mad tsunami and throwing shade like a lamppost. He won't be going home.
14. Couple one, dance two: slow hip-hop wtf ever that is, Nap/Tab jammy for Courtney & Twitch. They nail it utterly, but come on, slow hip-hop is not exactly the hardest thing in the world.
15. Chelsie's solo dance: I don't buy it, it's like Smurfette getting her twirls on. Happy 19th birthday though.
16. It's 2 am, I just fell asleep, and the baby woke up. But I woke up for couple two dance two: Tyce Diggity with the Broadway shazbot. Oh there's our first Katee-dance montage, and then...well I don't like this routine very much but they do it all okay. Toni OTM that it wasn't raw enough; Why not America see Twitch be Twitch?
17. Joshua's solo dance: Better call Angela Lansbury because it's MURDER SHE WROTE time out there. Slammed it. Also most touching personal story so far with the old-school teacher picture and everything.
18. Courtney's solo: Seen all these tricks before but she's dancing with wild abandon up in here and yay.
19. Twitch's solo: Whoa, I didn't know he was training South Korean hip-hop dancers -- Jeff Chang just told us that was the best place for hh dance in the world. Didn't like the solo though, and I'm a bigger Twitch fan than anyone else I know. Was I wrong?
20. Couple three, dance two: jazz dance for Comfort and Mark. It's smooth, it's sophisticated, Comfort has no footwork to speak of, they move well together, not exciting mostly but blasting it throughout nonetheless. Judges kill 'em, somewhat unfairly I think.
21. Damn I am totally ready for "Fringe." Aren't you? Well, the pilot will be great anyway.
22. Uh-oh, Joshua and Chelsie about to fall victim to the Dorianna Sanchez disco curse? Well, not really -- JA pumps it up in them tight pants, C is energetic even when flying through the air, come on, bring it bome...ooh killer ending.
okay that was only 22 but i'm falling asleep, it's late here and i've been up for 20 hours, hope you don't hate this too much, gotta go scoop the catbox and hit the pillow