Seriously. Ratio of air drums to air guitars, close to 10:1. And air drummers only look marginally less idiotic. Navarro is still a trashy ponce, and INXS offer exquisitely helpful blandishments to the contestants: "You nailed it!" Or, "You didn't nail it!"
Also, way too much Black Crowes.
But way not enough moves! Carrie Brownstein has easily ruined me for onstage presence, but so few of the contestants really put much energy into moving on stage, which is my basis for presence/charisma/whatnot. Good chops is nice to have in a band, I suppose, but one of rock's commandments is to look good. A lot of the contestants have as much charisma as a karaoke box.
I will admit to being dead wrong about this show being awesome, though, and I realize that the format should've tipped me. I find American Idol to be an atrocious bore because nothing is less interesting than people who can't sing or sing too much -- that is, the lack of [ROCKISM RED ALERT] musicianship. It's pretty much the same with Rock Star, so far, with the exception that one in the 15 songs I happen to care about. I don't know how much longer I'll be watching this, which means impending doom for the...
ROCK STAR RANKNESS ROCKINGS
1. Daphna (1) - Resident hottie is still hot. The Doors are stupid and have no more than one song -- but nice hat!
2. Marty (12) - I still don't like his voice (which is still pitchy and flat at times), but out of the bunch, he's relatively more charismatic, and he chose a song that I not only am familiar with, but moderately enjoy.
3. Suzie (6) - See? I knew she'd rebound.
4. Mig (13) - Good song, and looked halfway decent stage.
5. Heather (7) - Hottie in waiting, bonus points for being a redhead. But that's the extent of her stage presence. And too much vibrato in her voice -- ironic, I suppose, since I happen to like Corin Tucker's singing on the early Sleater-Kinney albums. I'M NOT CONSISTENT, OK?
6. Jordis (5) - Zero personality. She barely said a word when the judges were congratulating her -- and honestly, Nirvana songs only sound good with Cobain singing them. And she's still short.
7. Ty (3) - He smiled too much.
8. Tara (10) - Technically proficient, but where's the heart? God, it was middle of the road. Just like the Eagles, actually.
9. Deanna (4) - Big, overbearing voice that is starting to aggravate me.
10. Jessica (11) - "I want them to want me, too"? I'm glad America (and Canada) is graced to bear witness to her wit.
11. J.D. (8) - While it was an admirable move to perform his own arrangement "California Dreamin'" he was too low for the song, and all the charm from the original song was lost with his arrangement.
12. Neal (2) - A great song that sounded awful because Neal did not bother putting any of Fogerty's righteous indignation into his performance. Go flap your lips elsewhere, you Jagger-copping but Beck-looking dweeb.
13. Brandon (9) - Anyone bland enough to sing a Black Crowes song deserves no additional comments than the fact that they chose to sing a Black Crowes song.
14. Wil (14) - So gone.
PREVIOUS RANKING
1x01
Indie rating: Mogwai - "Robot Chant"
No comments:
Post a Comment