Friday, September 30, 2005

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 5) - 5x03 "The Girl Who Needs A Miracle"

Three episodes in and none of the girls seem to be candidates as Cycle 5 heroines. Not that that's absolutely necessary for a successful season, especially if there's a strong enough villain to make another contestant look comparatively heroic, but it would make a long and tedious season out of Cycle 5.

But all narrative concerns aside, the makeover episode is always good. Maybe it's the drag queen in me, but seeing the girls get transformed by professionals never fails to absorb and enthrall me. The best makeover? Absolutely Cassandra; short, pixie-cuts on girls with slender faces is always a winner, and Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby is absolutely hott. Next would be Bre (she really does look fabulous, ghetto or otherwise), and Coryn (more of a Most Improved mention, haha I'm mean).

1. Lisa (1) - My mental note reads: "Does not play with others." To be precise, she doesn't play well with her peers, since when she's in the presence of the judges, she's the ultimate teacher's pet. But as annoying and clueless as she was in her impromptu modeling tutorials, she definitely knows her stuff.
2. Nik (3) - She took my favorite photo of the episode. Though far from the prettiest girl in the competition (she's kind of bug-eyed for starters), she deserves points for being able to push out that booty so much. Damn. Also, the outfit is a winner. I'm envious.
3. Nicole (8) - Like a goofier version of Lisa when it comes to getting along with others, she showed great off chops with her shoot.
4. Cassandra - (2) I'm a lot confused where I should place Cassandra. Shorty-short hair is undeniably THE CUTE, but pageant girls usually have trouble translating themselves into models on this show. (The only reason Robin got to fourth place was because of Tyra's agenda to keep a plus-size model on the show.) One of the judges said that she's having trouble "finding herself" (whatever the hell that means), and historically, girls don't ever find themselves on this show. And her being a psychotic Texan and all the stereotypes that that involves causes me to wonder how she'll react to the inevitable nude shoot.
5. Bre (4) - I've absolutely no idea where to place her. She doesn't seem clueless, but she doesn't seem to be all that judging by her last shoot. Where Lisa demonstrated the knowledge to back up her self-stated monomania to become a model, Bre might just be hot air, which, given the Silent But Deadly sisters, is in keeping with Cycle 5.
6. Kim (6) - I've fallen out of love her. I'm not even in like with her, as I've grown weary of her as though I've lived with her for years rather than watched two weeks of a show she appears on. If there's a recent indie rock analogue to her, it's Sleater-Kinney's The Woods.
7. Jayla (5) - Another girl whom I'm having trouble placing. She has the naivete of Norelle (and the young, pliant looks of her, too), but I can't imagine that a cute but modeling-ignorant girl can stumble blindly and blithely all that far in this competitive field.
8. Coryn (10) - At this point, she's a non-entity on the show, just some chaff to pad out the competition before getting to the girls who actually have a real chance at becoming for-real models.
9. Sarah (12) - Sarah But Deadly's lower lip bugs me. The fact that she lost to Boryn is bad news for her, especially since her face was exquisite in the last shoot. And let's not forget her incompetence in heels.
10. Kyle (11) - She's like Oakland. "There is no there there."
11. Diane (7) - Two episodes of competition is the current land record for the token plus-size to get beaten down, and usually, once that initial confidence is undermined, there's no way of getting it back.

Ebony - Poor girl got it twisted.

Indie rating: Shop Assistants - "Safety Net"

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