Sunday, September 30, 2007

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 9) - 9x02 "The Girls Go Green"

A biofuel limo-bus? A ban on smoking? Has Tyra developed a social conscience, and what's more, taken up my pet causes? No way to say for certain unless she mandates tandem showering/bathing to conserve water and declares an end to the War on Drugs or addressing the root cause of most social ills (poverty) rather than its symptoms (crime, drugs, etc.). But getting back to things that have a chance of happening in real life, Cycle 9 seems poised to take on another cycle-long themes (in addition to its green mandate and anti-smoking edict): educating the girls on and promoting the tolerance of Asperger's. Fortunately (or more likely unfortunately), most of the girls showed that they have a lot to learn, as evidenced by how pathetically they empathized with Heather once they found out about her Asperger's.

Even if they learn nothing and continue to act like schoolyard bullies, we might be witness to reality programming at its most avant garde, especially if the near-entirety of the contestants become the cycle's villains. Introducing Tyra and Ken Mok -- narratalogical experimentalists!

THING RANKINGS

  1. Heather (Previous Rank: 1)
    It's painful and obvious (and no, I don't mean Heather's social skills), but we're getting prepped for an underdog story the likes of which have never been seen on television ever. Here's a beautiful girl with an developmental disorder getting picked on by virtually the rest of the contestants who have remained willfully and maliciously ignorant about her and her condition, which, given the sudden environmentalist subtext of the show, inadvertently recalls how Bush & Co. approach global warming. OK, I'm getting a little far afield now.

    Not to put all my eggs into one basket, but Heather is the quotient that's been missing since Cycle 6, where we got a double-dose of a protagonist who was genuinely funny, likable, and whom we actively wanted to win, something that's been lacking the past two Cycles (for me, anyway). So, to earn my indie cred, I quote Jason Spaceman (no relation to Dr. Leo Spaceman, sadly): I think I'm in love.

  2. Victoria (4)
    I was wrong earlier to dismiss her solely because she's an Ivy Leaguer and Ivy League contestants have had a poor-to-horrible track record on ANTM. As one of two girls who didn't jump on Heather, she earns a lot of love, like, two SLOTS IN MY PREFERENCE RANKINGS worth of love. Also, she doesn't have a smarter-than-thou attitude that's cursed some of the most disappointing smarties (see her "I'm just winging it" attitude), and she's got that hot mousey thing down pat.

  3. Lisa (8)
    You ask me, the whole stripper thing is a red herring, and her back and forth with Bianca, while quaint with restrained civility, needs to be preserved for posterity.
    And for the photo of the week:


  4. Jenah (3)
    I'm interested to see if she'll be able to stay off the cigarettes, but in the meantime, she's still hot.

    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

    So I like big teeth.

  5. Bianca (5)
    Cell phones, models, and throwing! Never gets old.

  6. Saliesha (2)
    Apparently they do not teach manners at T-Zone! Saliesha also loses coolpoints for her performance as Tyra in the mock elimination featuring Lisa and Bianca -- she totally should've (but didn't) announce that the photo she held in her hands was her own and sent both those girls packing.

  7. Ebony (6)
    Personally, I'm disappointed in Ebony. If she's going to be the cycle's heavy, she's got a lot of work to do; no one's going to fear her as a villain if she brings such weaksauce game. And let's not forget, nobody is going to be afraid of skin-and-bones look -- this is fashion!

  8. Sarah (11)
    Big jump only because, unless I'm mistaken (which we all know doesn't happen), we didn't hear her dogpile on Heather.

  9. Ambreal (10)
    Come back next year when you get interesting.

  10. Chantal (9)
    I think she criticized Heather; ergo, DROP.

  11. Janet (7)
    See Chantal.

  12. Kimberly (13)
    Rises in the standings only because one girl was eliminated. You don't want to get to close to these cannon-fodder girls, they get clingy.




A special parting shot for Mila. Her face and intense cheeriness might've bugged me, like, to the point of homicidal urges, but as the only other girl besides Victoria to refrain from keeping her claws out of Heather's back, she deserves kudos.

Indie rating: Colleen - "This Place In Time"

1 comment:

Beckylooo said...

I still haven't learned their names and probably won't until we get to the top 10 or so. I'm with you on the heinous "heathers" of it all when it came to Asberger girl. I wanted to jump into ma TV and kick some scrawny ass.