America's Next Top Model (Cycle 9) - 9x05 "The Girl Who Is Scared Of Heights"

Is the show proving true my prediction that the villain of this series will be everyone? During the semifinals, Ebony was the obvious villain, but she initially wilted under the judges' critiques; then Bianca valiantly took over as the villain du cycle, but she's chilled to a small degree ever since her weave was shaved off; now, we've got a small gang of girls (which apparently includes Bianca, Jenah (oh, how could you, Jenah? ;_;), Chantal, and Sarah) that's out to undermine Lisa, who has suddenly separated herself from the rest of the pack.



Notice the large void next to Bianca, otherwise known as Sarah:



That's five out of 13 finalists, though you could argue that Sarah and Jenah are just being catty, exclusionist girls, while Bianca, bless her, led the charge against Lisa.

---

He's got something on his chin.

---

Janet's list of chores:



You don't have to read far to notice that something's amiss -- Victoria is still on the list. The only feasible explanation is that the girls think so highly of her that they expect her to take out the trash even after she was eliminated. Janet also gave herself the easy job -- collecting towels? See, that's where she should've taken on a more indispensable task so that they couldn't have gotten rid of her -- always works on Survivor!

---

RANKINGS

1. Heather (Previous rank: 1)
   A lot of girls got tarred with the villain brush this week, which Heather mostly dodged (the smack she talked about the other girls' deficiencies I attribute to her low social IQ and brutal honesty, not to any rancorous venom -- though none of that takes away from the industry-speak nonsense she was spewing). Unfortunately, she still got hit by the ugly stick once or twice.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Actually, that's four times, for those of you keeping track, though I have to think long and hard about calling such an enthusiastic blowjob face "ugly."
   
   
2. Lisa (4)
   If I didn't notice it before, I definitely see that the show is setting up Lisa to go deep into the competition -- like, final two deep -- now that the show just gave her the "Bunch of girls ganging up on another out of what's little more than jealousy" edit, and when she turned out this photo. (Also, don't forget about her built-in bikini stripper dancer makes good storyline.)
   
   Ask her and Lisa would surely say that none of these developments surprised her. That's confidence, and that's foresight, which is just one thing a long neck helps with; another benefit is the juicy leaves at the top of a tree.
   
   
   
   
3. Jenah (2)
   More public nudity!
   
   Jenah really is becoming Courtney Love. All she needs now is some random dude sucking at her teats. Aside from the blurring, the only thing I could ask of -- well, one of like four things (getting her weave fixed being another) -- is to show off her teeth. Seriously, they're a work of art.
   
   
   
   Which is as good a transition to talk about her photo this week. I think that had she taken her picture on a different week in a different environment, I could've appreciated hers more. But compared to all the ones taken by Ebony, Bianca, Lisa, and even Heather, Jenah's picture looks boring. Where the aforementioned girls struck arresting that looked like they were caught in mid-movement or were poised to leap into action, and most of them (i.e. not Heather) managed to catch the wind with their clothes, filling up the frame with sheer, diaphanous volume. Jenah just looks static. She's crouching with a dull expression on her face, and she even seemed to suck the wind out of the picture; at least Heather, despite getting called out for serving up another profile picture (though her weeds shot was three-quarters), injected some potential energy into hers.
   
   Still with me?
   
   
   
   
4. Bianca (5)
   Her greeting to Lisa upon the latter's return -- "Is that makeup making you break out?" -- was completely uncalled for, and totally awesome. Her photo this week is just awesome (not my favorite, though). Those angles are insane.
   
   
5. Ebony (6)
   Ebony must be the most whimsical person ever if this is how she evokes sadness:
   
   
   
   
6. Saleisha (3)
   I liked how Saleisha didn't (seem to) talk about Lisa behind her back, though she stirred the pot a little when she put words into Jenah's sizable mouth reported what the girls were saying while Lisa was at her shoot:
   
   
   
   Because Jenah, my sweet, toothy angel, didn't actually say that. Granted, she implied
   
   but outside of that, her funky shot didn't do a whole lot in a week of strong photos.
   
   
7. Ambreal (9)
   She goes to Howard? Has ANTM been holding out on another contestant who goes to a top-tier school? (Answer: No.)
   
   
8. Sarah (7)
   
   
   Nuff said. Except to say that when she got anger in the ice skating ("skating") challenge, well, see for yourself.
   
   
   
   
9. Chantal (10)
   Back to being an absolute non-presence this week. Oh, go eat your pain away.
   
   
   

Janet's parting "shot," which is to say, her flying tear:



Indie rating: Swans - "Her Mouth is Filled with Honey"