- SHTICK and MARY MURPHY do not mix
Shtick includes but is not limited to: the "hot tamale train"; screaming; botox.
- MORATORIUM on BAD AUDITIONS
Since when did reality tv become the hot house for on-air human wreckage to take root? Oh duh, from the start. Even so, seeing the uncoordinated social dregs beg for their moment in a transitory spotlight amuses you when you first see it, but immediately after that point it becomes a depressing waste of time -- especially when it takes up the airtime that could otherwise go to all the good auditions of which we only see snippets.
- A return to VEGAS WEEK, INNA SEASON ONE STYLE
Last season, Vegas Week became a convoluted stress-inducing cram, which isn't bad if you're watching someone who's in the running towards becoming America's next top something or other. But when VW started off in season one as a week of intensive master-classes, it bore a distinct fly-on-the-wall, documentary flavor, not a seat in the main car of an emotional trainwreck.
- UNIQUE is not a EUPHEMISM
- Caucus in a better place than the BACKSTAGE STAIRS
Reality tv shabbiness is endearing on Top Model, not an enormous and slick production like SYTYCD, so, like, get a room, you guys.
- How about some POST- or SPACE-ROCK?
If this dance show insists on including musical performances, why not some Electrelane? Some of these dancers are bound to share my tastes, shouldn't we have seen them auditioning to Labradford by now? Wait, I know why: both those bands have broken up.
- Give back SHANE'S MOJO
He probably won't be a part of this season, but regardless, like mother always says, if you take something, you always give it back.
- Make use of the LEATHER PANTS that I know for a fact are in CAT DEELEY'S WARDROBE
My only pervy dictate. I'm proud of myself.
- Move the RESULTS SHOWS to some night other than THURSDAY
I'll have classes on Thursday nights at least through August, which means that I'm going to lose about a day of potential blogging, which means that getting weekly recaps up on Mondays might not happen. In fact, I might just skip entire weeks. Why? Because you lot love me, and I fully plan on resting on my laurels.
See you all this summer!
Indie rating: Lost Cherrees - "The Wait"