So You Think You Can Dance - NINE DICTA FOR SEASON 4

In anticipation of the premiere of that dancing show, I'd like to ease back into the SYTYCD groove with something mostly free of insight and substance: the format of the show, which, apparently, will largely remain the same, flaws and all. I read Karaty's comments as speculative, but nonetheless, the creative geniuses behind the show seem set on resisting sense and good taste; so if SYTYCD shall improve, we must appeal to the intercessory power of the biggest of Big Cheeses to enforce the following Nine Dicta for Successful Reality Style. With the weight of Ceiling Cat behind these my words, if the judges, the producers, or any of the other "talent" on the show break these rules:

1. SHTICK and MARY MURPHY do not mix
   Shtick includes but is not limited to: the "hot tamale train"; screaming; botox.


2. MORATORIUM on BAD AUDITIONS
   Since when did reality tv become the hot house for on-air human wreckage to take root? Oh duh, from the start. Even so, seeing the uncoordinated social dregs beg for their moment in a transitory spotlight amuses you when you first see it, but immediately after that point it becomes a depressing waste of time -- especially when it takes up the airtime that could otherwise go to all the good auditions of which we only see snippets.


3. A return to VEGAS WEEK, INNA SEASON ONE STYLE
   Last season, Vegas Week became a convoluted stress-inducing cram, which isn't bad if you're watching someone who's in the running towards becoming America's next top something or other. But when VW started off in season one as a week of intensive master-classes, it bore a distinct fly-on-the-wall, documentary flavor, not a seat in the main car of an emotional trainwreck.


4. UNIQUE is not a EUPHEMISM
   


5. Caucus in a better place than the BACKSTAGE STAIRS
   
   
   Reality tv shabbiness is endearing on Top Model, not an enormous and slick production like SYTYCD, so, like, get a room, you guys.


6. How about some POST- or SPACE-ROCK?
   If this dance show insists on including musical performances, why not some Electrelane? Some of these dancers are bound to share my tastes, shouldn't we have seen them auditioning to Labradford by now? Wait, I know why: both those bands have broken up.


7. Give back SHANE'S MOJO
   He probably won't be a part of this season, but regardless, like mother always says, if you take something, you always give it back.


8. Make use of the LEATHER PANTS that I know for a fact are in CAT DEELEY'S WARDROBE
   
   My only pervy dictate. I'm proud of myself.


9. Move the RESULTS SHOWS to some night other than THURSDAY
   I'll have classes on Thursday nights at least through August, which means that I'm going to lose about a day of potential blogging, which means that getting weekly recaps up on Mondays might not happen. In fact, I might just skip entire weeks. Why? Because you lot love me, and I fully plan on resting on my laurels.

See you all this summer!

Indie rating: Lost Cherrees - "The Wait"