America's Next Top Model (Cycle 12) - 12x05 "Put Your Best Face Forward"

At the beginning of the season, I said that ANTM was a simulacrum of itself now, which was most evident in how members of the current cast are molded after past contestants, and because nobody has mentioned these similarities. Like, no one on the show has remarked that now that Aminat has a long, straight weave, she's just a bigger gap away from being the spitting image of Danielle, winner of Cycle 6.

Like, here's Aminat:


And Dani, after the jump.






Anyway, because neither the girls nor the show have remarked on these echoes, they all come off a lot less self-aware than usual, which may explain why this cycle, fun and engrossing as it is, also seems incredibly predictable. In fact, this predictability is kind of why I haven't really been blogging the show thus far. But then, ANTM every so often uncovers these gems of pure inanity that ought to be put in amber for eternity, like Dominique and Whitney tilting at racist green-eyed Jewish windmills from Cycle 10, that you can never ever forget.

This time, Celia delivered. While I was actually watching the episode, I wasn't sure it would actually happen, though rewatching the events again I'm picking up on all these subtle hints...



She may know more about fashion than all the other girls combined thanks to her many wizened years of life on this earth, but her presumption to be able to judge what is and isn't fair is a breathtaking example of arrogance on this show, and more power to her because I can't get enough of its entertainment value.

To recap:



"Hey girls, looking like the Wicked Witch of the West didn't keep Melrose from reaching the top 2, what can I do to totally undermine my chances of getting any further in the competition?"




"Celia, don't ask me, Courtney Kortni Coortknee Kourtney I STILL CAN'T SPELL IT , I'm not interesting enough to get even a cursory 'I'm getting eliminated this episode here are a few facts about me and my personality' edit so I've got nothing."




"Can you believe Tyra didn't give me a makeover? I'm so totally going to win this competition zomg!"
"H-h-hey, Tahlia told me, EYEBALLS GIRL, that she wants to go home! Mention that when we're at panel!"




"Fabulous, dahlings!"




"Wait, I thought I was supposed to be the villain here."




"BIG TYRA IS WATCHING YOU."

LATER...






"Oh no you di'n't."




~ FIN ~

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I still can't believe that Celia thought it was ok to go ahead and call someone out like that on such a frivolous show, and generally, that contestants still spout the "I'm not here to make friends" meme and claim that they're willing to walk over all the other contestants. Strategizing against your opponents is a viable if not altogether effective philosophy to employ in a reality TV competition like Survivor, but on ANTM, where you're judged almost entirely on how you look as you stand in front of Tyra et al and how you look in a photo, there simply isn't much room to maneuver strategically. Like, are you going to not tell another contestant where her hairdryer is? Really, "strategy" as practiced by girls on this show is an excuse to be anti-social.

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Tyra's reaction to Celia was golden.

She may have adopted an outwardly ironic pose with the Goddess of Fierce thing this cycle, yet we all know that her ego's way too big to not buy into it on a not that deep level. But sometimes, like when she cut Celia down -- cold! -- Tyra totally earned the right to act like the Alpha and Omega Diva.

Indie rating: Stereolab – "International Colouring Contest"