Friday, October 14, 2005

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 5) - 5x05 "The Girl Who Gets A Boob Job"

Hooray for Janice and her coked out ego! With reality always trying to push the envelope, ANTM is worse off without her and with her nice replacement, Twiggy.

I seemed to notice that this week's show featured a lot of different girls who got their candid interviews aired. I'm not sure what that means -- everyone's a little dull, and so one girl is as good as another? Have Socialists finally broken through into the mainstream media and destroyed class distinction in favor of pure democracy?

Finally, it amuses me that ANTM only made Lisa its new villain after Cassandra left. Only one major villain at a time, please!


1. Nik (1) - Her theme for the photo shoot -- absurdly long (and ugly) extensions -- was stupid, and she still rocked out with her locks out.
2. Jayla (2) - TOO CUTE!
3. Lisa (3) - She fancies herself a big fish in a little pond, but her backhanded critiques of the others reveals that she's hiding her insecuirty. Example: Janice calls her out on being petty, and instantly she gets defensive and soon cries about it. And to top off her heelishness, she wears a trucker hat.
4. Kyle (7) - Jeez, OK. Stop impressing the judges -- I learned my lesson last year when I tried handicap the models according to what the judges thought. I ended up underrating Keenyah even though I slotted her in the top 3 in the beginning. (I guess I should've gone with my gut -- just like Keenyah.) But I can't ignore that she's shown decent signs of improvement, which combined with her nice legs, confident strut, and photogenic face, explains her sudden rise up the ranks. And also for her... um... boy name. And yet, she's failed to exhibit signs of a personality.
5. Nicole (4) - It's looking like Nicole's kewpie doll looks will go head-to-head against Kyle's boy name for the place of third runner-up.
6. Coryn (6) - She had a fair amount of attention in this episode, and yet her personality seems as poorly developed as Kyle's.
7. Kim (8) - How much longer will the judges keep seeing what's not there? Or not seeing what's painfully there? I predict she stays for two more eliminations. Her unique look won't help her learn how to model and she probably won't pick up the fundamentals in the time she's got left.
8. Bre (5) - Death! Any time a girl no longer knows who she is or how to be who she is, it's bad news for her.

Diane - The only reason her showing wasn't the worst for a plus-size model was because what's-her-face from Cycle 2 didn't want to do the nude shoot.
Cassandra - She has the distinction of simultaneously being self-absorbed and un-self-aware.

Previous Cycle 5 Rankings
5x04 Relative Worth
5x03 Rantness
5x01 Stankness

Indie rating: Electrelane - "If Not Now, When?"

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