Amish in the City - 1.01 "This is My Very First Time on an Escalator"

Going into the show, I'd already learned about a few aspects of Amish culture -- notably its belief in baptism during adulthood, which, in my agnostic esteem, is one of the most prescient tenets I've heard from an organized religion. As a result, I'd idealized the Amish as a idyllic sanctuary from contemporary stress and drama and I would have chosen to live as an Amish if not for my love of tv and toilet paper.

This episode balanced out some of these misconceptions -- which, I admit, have the stink of condescension in them. For one, the Amish vocabulary isn't unfamiliar with ye auld cusswords, and apparently, the favorite word among the Amish kids in the show to express admiration is "awesome." More seriously, though, is the gender inequities of Amish culture. Ingrained in modern culture, gender equality is a given, if not in practice, then conceptually -- and hearing that Amish men expect women to clean up their messes raised my progressive hackles. A (perhaps) beneficial result, though, is that Amish inequities do remind me of "English" (that is to say, not Amish) inequities and that I shouldn't feel terribly smug about how much better we are in this respect.

However, and this a big however, some of the Amish kids are refreshingly admirable. Miriam is unexpectedly worldly and carries herself with surprising confidence as a woman in the city. Ruth, similarly, doesn't let her fears (e.g. swimming) get in the way of potentially eye-opening experiences. Mose, from what I could tell the oldest, is likewise determined to participate in new things in their entirety (i.e. no half-steps), and in being so gutsy, earns incredible respect and awe from me, and not even leaving the toilet seat up or wiping it off or whatever will detract from that. How can you think poorly of a person who jumps back into the ocean after nearly drowning?

Speaking of the near-drowning incident, the reaction by the city kids was disappointing and telling of their intractable narrow-mindedness in tolerating difference. Among the first things they do the Amish kids is change them to look like us. Their primary assumptions about behavior are grounded firmly in their own values and expectations, and blindingly steamroll over the Amish.

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 1) - 1.8 "The Girl Who Becomes ANTM"

1. Shannon reaching the final two and then the case made in her favor at the final judgement represents completely befuddling rationalization. Sure, her catwalk was fierce, I'll give her that. But saying that her voice sounds better than Adrianne's when in fact it's raspy and jagged proves that you're a moron. On a similar track: one judge (probably monkeysmart Kimora) said that she could see Shannon on a late-night talkshow. Then, cue her articulation of emotion at having made it so far in the competition: "Words cannot express what I'm feeling right now." Brilliant reasoning, you idiot! (Idiot referring mostly to Kimora.)

2. Adrianne is awesome. Personally, I don't think she was the best model on the show, but easily one of the coolest people on it. She grabs her tittehs and burps! IRONIC SEXINESS.

Adrianne's reaction to winning made me very uncomfortable because of how genuine her response was. This is reality tv folks, I want my sentiments to be neatly prepackaged! An intensely private reaction spilling out onto tv -- that's uncomfortable stuff!

3. Elyse really impresses in this episode. She takes her elimination with grace, knowing that for her, being a model isn't her be-all and end-all, speaking to her well-groundedness as an individual. (Of course, she goes ahead and becomes a model anyway.)

Nonetheless, the reasons for her elimination are suspect. Her lack of commercial appeal are contrasted against Shannon being too mainstream. Then, the judges appeared to use the estrogen lecture as an example of her condescension -- even though Janice made the "WHOOSH OVER MY HEAD" gesture, Elyse's explanation was basically, "A developing child exposed to more estrogen will have these features that are considered more feminine," which to my ears sounds straightforward.

SAN DIEGO COMIC CON 2004 MEGAPOST, Part Three
Wonderfalls - 1.10 "Lying Pig" & 1.11 "Cocktail Bunny" Double Review!

So both of these episodes are available online. I GOT TO SEE PRISTINE COPIES OF BOTH. Since plot outlines probably wouldn't be that exclusive, I'll just include my thoughts on each.

"Lying Pig"

Out of the five episodes I've managed to see, "Lying Pig" easily ranks as the best. It's a perfect blend of heartbreak and comedy, where cruelty is exacted at the expense of Jaye's love life and not at the expense of the guest character of the week. Perfectly melancholy and what not.

"Cocktail Bunny"

This episode was another matter, reaching the nihilistic levels of the one with the undercover stuttering reporter. I have to admit that I thought "Cocktail Bunny" was the last episode of the series and that its ending was anti-climactic. Armed with the right information, I'd say that it's merely a harried and messy resolution.

SAN DIEGO COMIC CON 2004 MEGAPOST, Part Two
Hanging out with JJ and the Gang; Plus blurry Lost photos

Last Friday (that would be July 23), JJ Abrams, Ron Rifkin, Greg Grunberg (and Kevin Weissman, who turned out to be a no-show) were at one of the booths at Comic Con signing autographs. I got there about 30 minutes early knowing full well that, sooner rather than later, lines for such things get capped with alarming quickness. Chatting with some Alias fans in line helped to pass the time, and when the JJ, Ron and Greg showed up, the line proceeded briskly because we were allowed only to have one item signed by the three of them. Still, they chatted briefly with fans and largely did the nice thing.

While in line, I worried about what they could sign for me, since I had (and still don't have) any Alias merchandise. There were Comic Con-exclusive posters of Alias: Tribunal (an animated short about Syd's missing two years in between the end of season 2 and beginning of season 3) but since it was enormous (re: too difficult to carry around without crinkling, especially since I was flying back home) and buttugly to boot, I passed on those and settled on simply getting autographs in the sketchbook I usually reserve for artist sketches. After probably a mere 15 minutes, it was my turn, and I complimented Ron for being one of my favorite actors on the show. He signed my book, then I went on to JJ. He rifled quickly through the pages, and what he saw evidently impressed him enough to ask if I did them. I guffawed, no, those were sketches by "everyone else." Well, he said, is it ok if he did a sketch? By all means! I said. And thus I got what I can only guess is the only self-portrait of JJ Abrams in the world (the blue scribbling is Greg's autograph).

Everything would've been divine if I hadn't said the following: "Guys, congratulations on a great season. I know a lot of people complained that last year's storylines were too complicated to follow, but I don't think it matters so much because the show's trademark is style over substance." To which JJ responded, "We like substance too." Uh oh! Cut to me trying to extricate myself, and everything after what JJ said was an embarrassed blur. No bloodshed, apparently, since I managed to get a semi-cordial group picture (though when I asked if I could take the photo, Ron said, "No" with a slight grin -- which, I should note, he did for everyone who asked for a picture).

Then, on Saturday morning, there was a screening of the Lost pilot. I was all sorts of paranoid that an enormous audience would be camping out in front of the auditorium and crowding me out. Fortunately, that wasn't even close to happening as the auditorium was only filled to two-thirds capacity (though in the case of the Sin City movie panel discussion, a line stretching out of the convention center and into the street for at least two city blocks did keep me from Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson and the foxxiest of them all, Frank Miller). JJ was supposed to be there but didn't make it, possibly because my comments traumatized him.



After the screening, various cast and crew members come onstage for a Q&A, and it proved exceedingly difficult for me to take a good picture of resident hottie Evangeline Lilly, who, it turns out, was rocking the Avril Lavigne look, i.e. tank top with necktie. In any case, she looked more attractive in person than in the episode, for reasons having to do with uninteresting hair.

Most of the questions were directed to Dominic Monaghan by (you guessed it) teenage girls. Keeping that in mind, I took plenty of pictures of the lad, because, after all, the target audience for my blog is the critical juggernauts represented by SWOONING GIRLS. One question asked the differences between playing Merry and Charlie (his character on the show), and he answered, "Merry didn't do drugs. Or maybe mushrooms..." Another asked if he would prefer to be a ninja or a pirate, to which he said that a certain "Orlando" had the market cornered on pirates.

Outside of salacious interests, the writers and producers assured the audience that they are capable of sustaining the "Stranded on an island" trope for several seasons and that everything that happens in the show will be grounded in reality (i.e. NO DINOSAURS).


Cutie -- nice arms!


Avril! But hotter!


Wake up!


Detroit Tigers wristband??


Clearly prefers being a ninja.


Aww!

SAN DIEGO COMIC CON 2004 MEGAPOST, Part One
Lost - "Pilot" (Huh huh GEDDIT?)

I'm happy to say that the pilot is largely excellent. For those of you who don't know, Lost is the new series for ABC brought to us by JJ Abrams, creator of Alias. In this case, the premise involves a plane crashlanding on an island with an ensemble cast including Matthew Fox (Party of Five, Dominic Monaghan (Lord of the Rings), Terry O'Quinn (Alias, X-Files, Millennium), Daniel Dae Kim (24) and newcomer Evangeline Lilly. It debuts on September 22, Wednesday at 8pm (Oh no! Same time as America's Next Top Model! Oh no!).

Lost shares an essential trait with Alias, that being its level of suspense. JJ's shown his ability to create gripping situations in Alias, but that's in an espionage context, whereas Lost, at least judging by the pilot, is closer to horror (though not in a slasher nu-Dawn of the Dead mode, probably closer to the psychological terror of Lord of the Flies and Heart of Darkness).

Where Lost probably differs most from Alias is its focus is on a sparer plot and the characters, i.e. at the end of the episode, the wig count was zero.

The characters:

Jack (Fox) -- Among the ensemble, so far he occupies the lead role, and so, in small ways, resembles the superheroic Sydney Bristow. Probably the most worrisome thing about Jack is that he seems to know a ton of stuff that helps to advance the plot -- he's a doctor so he can save people, and he's taken flying lessons so he knows to look for a transceiver.

Charlie (Monaghan) -- A stock character at this point, Charlie's the obligatory useless and hapless urbanite. His first big scene is of the forced-humor variety. Of course, he got the biggest applause from the audience. Teenage girls.

Locke (O'Quinn) -- It was nice to see JJ let O'Quinn smile for once (his character on Alias was a sour, humorless plot device). I don't recall any speaking lines from him, but nonetheless he has presence, the combination of which made him into a shamanistic character; at one point, a torrential downpour hits the island. Everyone scrambles for cover except Locke, who sits, cross-legged, letting the rain wash over him as though he were being cleansed into a holy man. He has the definite aroma of a man who is trying to put something behind him.

The rest of the characters haven't yet had time to stand out, especially Kate (Lilly), who sort of hangs off of Jack's elbow.

And Greg Grunberg makes an uncredited appearance (tip-off that he's not surviving the episode).

Now analysis of specific plot points.

The direction, especially in the first act, is superb, courtesy of JJ himself (surprise!). It opens with Jack waking up in a field, then racing to the beach to see the wreckage and passengers (most of the bodies shown, strangely, happen to be alive). General and aimless panic coupled with barely audible dialogue reinforces the danger that the survivors are still in. And for the cherry on top of this hellish scene, one of the plane's engines is still in tact, its intermittent whirring, like the electrified footfalls of coming death, forcing out all other sounds to create sonic claustrophobia.

Another point for the direction is its construction of parallelism. While we witness the plane hitting the deadly turbulence, the crash-proper is left unseen (there are pragmatic reasons for not showing it, of course: audience sensitivity to mid-air catastrophe; the cost of filming a crash); in a different scene, Jack throws a leaf cut into the shape of a plane, which final descent is just off camera. A leitmotif of the unseen works to the advantage of the episode, not only in terms of the mysterious menace stalking the survivors, and if there had been no depiction of the plane at all, it would have underscored the barren hopelessness of the survivors. The Unseen not only avoids cliche, but in delaying the portrayal of the crash suggests the loss of biography for the characters, whom circumstance deprives of personal history, thus increasing anxiety and approximating reality tv's predominant mode of solipsistic self-containment. (Reality tv is relevant, given the similarity of the basic conceit between Lost and Survivor.)

And while the initial flatness of the characters seems detrimental to the episode, it may speak to their deprivation of history, thus remaining consistent with the aesthetics presented in this episode.

SAN DIEGO COMIC CON 2004 MEGAPOST:
A Preamble

Even though the main reason I attended this geekathon was for the comics, there's still a few juicy television bits to report: the pilot of Lost, a fannish encounter with JJ Abrams, Ron Rifkin and Greg Grunberg, and two unaired episodes of Wonderfalls.

In consideration for my reader(s) who don't wish to be spoiled, I'll split my reports for each show into spoilerific and non-spoilerly parts, which is relevant to Wonderfalls because of its upcoming DVD release (tentatively Dec. 7).

Later this week, I'm going to be headed for Comic-Con International -- the biggest geekout opportunity in comic book form available to me in California and possibly the entire West coast. So what does my on-the-side love have to do with television? you might ask.
 
WELL! The convention has broadened its focus beyond just comics and has made forays into pop culture in general, including, obviously, tv. Take a peek at some of the programming available this year:
 
Friday
3:00-4:30 Freaks and Geeks
 
Saturday
10:00-11:00 ABC's New Fall Series Lost
11:30-1:00 The Simpsons
2:00-3:00 Reality Stars Unleashed!
 
Sunday
2:00-4:00 Wonderfalls: Unseen Episodes
 
Time and space permitting, I would gladly give up my status as ubernerd to attend the Lost preview and the Wonderfalls airing and once I get home to enter my thoughts on each.
 
But, as things go, the programming schedule offers different tasty panels that occur at the same time! Specifically:
 
Saturday
2:00-3:00 Dimension Films: Sin City
 
I mean, why do I have to choose between Lex from Survivor or Jessica Alba FOXXY FRANK MILLER??

THE ELYSE INDIE AWARD OF THE WEEK

Adrianne and Elyse jumping on the bed at the Presidential Suite is too dear and cute not to win this week!

Clearly I don't have any idea of what "indie" is anymore (ever?).

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 1) - 1.06 "The Girls Who Get Really Naked"

How quickly does my hate for Robin go from 0 to 60? ONE WHOLE EPISODE. When ANTM first aired, I didn't start watching until this episode and I immediately took to hating Robin at wrathful levels.

Similarly, it was crush at first sight with Elyse. Short brown hair is enough to seal the deal, but articulate with the maturity to make attempts at mediation? OH MY WORD! I do believe I have the vapors!

If I was able to reach these opinions in the space of a single episode that are more or less reinforced by the rest of the season, does that mean ANTM is so easily reduced, at least in terms of its extremes? Apparently so. While I missed out on the petty squabbles of the first two-thirds of the season, Elyse and Robin form the primary dramatic backbone of the show, one so robust that it remains a high point, not just for ANTM, but for all of reality television.

The Amazing Race - 5.02 "It Turned Ugly Just Now"

So much for the wholesomeness of Bowling Moms! I definitely don't hold it against them for supposedly sending Major Dad & Daughter off on a wild peso chase, since if you assume that other teams will play nice because of their outward appearance (HELLO ANDREW SAVAGE FROM SURVIVOR: PEARL ISLANDS), you'll be gone from the game sooner rather than later. It's a crummy move, but not unexpected on a reality show.

Which is in keeping with the episode title, and a relatively weak subplot to the main conflict between Chip/Kim and the Twins, which is equally uninteresting. Chip says that after all that happened, he has a clear conscience, which indicates that he knows that he's done something that the Twins might find objectionable, so his chipper attitude is covering up a small speck of shame.

Otherwise, the standings going up and down, teams losing leads and leapfrogging others left me dizzy (how many times did it look like Charla & Mirna had just killed their chances?) and at times confused as to the overall standings. (One thing I'm certain about is that the Pizza Bros suck.) Once the number of teams gets down to a manageable number (my guess is six), TAR's going to be some hott stuff again.

The Amazing Race - BOWLING WOMB

As follow up to part of last night's post, I want to examine my support for the Bowling Moms. I wondered why I would pull for such an easily typed team constituted by their ostensible wholesomeness and outward mediocrity (cos, you know, bowling), which in short translates their roles as tenacious underdogs. Those two hallmarks I just mentioned -- wholesomeness and bowling -- are probably the among the very aspects that make them appealing to me.

Attributing their team identity as mothers obviously contributes to their wholesomeness, but why exactly do I like them for this particular quality? After watching the repellent "personalities" on The Apprentice, the admirably Machiavellian machinations on Survivor: All-Stars, and Top Model's alternately inanity and bloated self-righteousness, I've been saturated on bad behavior, though if you make the assertion that their appeal is because of a yearning for "simpler times," I'ma punch you inna face! The Bowling Moms buck the trend against the homogenization of characters on reality television -- seemingly dominated by Richard Hatch-wannabes -- and I'm sticking with that as my story (i.e. if instead goody-two-shoes peppered the casts of reality shows, I'd eventually gravitate towards positively evil characters).

Second, the bowling. If were no more than cherubic middle-aged women, they'd be retreads, well-meaning but ultimately dispensible. But they have a coherent aesthetic (admittedly a gimmicky one) that trounces the "styleless" style of typical housewives.

Of course, taken separately, these two factors wouldn't amount to much, but their combination creates an idiosyncratic duo who aren't that young or fresh-faced or even cynical/ironical, but (oh god I'm actually going to type this) unprepossessing and genuine people who aren't merely using a reality program to audition themselves into ephemeral celebrity.

The Amazing Race - 5.01 "Clearly, I'm More Intelligent Than You"

These 90-minute (not so) specials are really taxing (not even counting the commercial breaks that reach five bleeding minutes) -- even if there's ample drama and intensity, stretched out to such lengths an installment, such as this one, feels especially taxing. This sort of pacing (somewhat akin to summer action films that merely pile on one thrill after another) certainly creates excitement, but it's more draining and diluted than traditional pacing that has deliberate build-up towards the payoff.

That preface disposed with, I'll get to my usual rundown, though in an abbreviated form.

Preliminary favorites:

Bowling Moms! Though I'm a little surprised at how much I'm pulling for such a safe and conventional good guy tandem.

Major Dad & Daughter (aka Jim and Marsha)! Jim's gruffness instantly brought Survivor Rudy to mind, and the salty exchanges between parent and child were amusing enough to warrant some love, even though I wonder if it's only because of the Rudy-relatedness, because they weren't, in the end, all that amusing (e.g. Marsha was cut-throat but in a boring way). Their time on the show looks numbered because of TAR's physical strenuousness is a harsh mistress on gimpiness.

And the rest:

Charla & Mirna -- flirting with a lot of disaster (not as much as Chip & Kim): one moment they r00l, the next they're dr00ling. One unbelievably great moment (or an extended moment actually) was during the Detour, Mirna the gambling addict doesn't think twice to go into the casino, then when they win with amazing alacrity, "COME ON CHARLA JUST ONE HAND OF BLACKJACK WE'RE ON A ROLL!" But if the rest of the competition steers away from organized games of chance, the two might go far (even in spite of Charla's limited speed capabilities) because of their knowledge of languages (according to their official TAR bio: Armenian, Turkish, French and Spanish).

Speaking of chance, one of the twins had the runner-up quotation of the episode, again courtesy of the roulette wheel: "It was total chance, I don't know how we won."

Beyond these two teams, the remainder are jerks or boring (though one last remark -- Colin has very indie hair!).

And how about a topic for comments -- who are your favorite reality contestants ever? I mostly mean the heroes, though if your game is villains, then they're kosher too. Immediately off the top of my head, Jon & Al (aka the Clowns) from TAR 4, Rudy and Rupert from Survivor, Elyse, and nobody from Apprentice.

THE ELYSE INDIE AWARD OF THE WEEK

SURPRISE! Elyse just misses winning the prize four weeks in a row for the reason that her eligible criteria -- enjoying the fireworks that Adrianne instigates with Robin re: meta hybridized character/viewer -- has been used before.

So, who's going to pick up the award if it isn't Elyse?

At the risk of trivializing what happened to her in the last episode of ANTM (e.g. nearly getting fingered by a stranger on the streets of Paris), I'll give it to her for how messy she looked in her go-sees -- claustrophobic bangs and ill-cut dress in all, which projected a lack of confidence on her part and which nearly deep-sixed her run to "becoming America's next top model." In clear terms, she wins for uglying herself up!

America's Next Top Model - "The Girl Deals with a Pervert"

After back-to-back awesome "I laughed I cried" episodes, this one in particular was a relative dud that was otherwise unmemorable because of, I suspect, its focus on the two most boring girls deprived the episode of dramatic urgency.

Clearly, the producers chose to spotlight Kesse and Shannon, both of whom are among the most intellectually vacant girls on the show (although, given the mask-like and blank impassivity of their faces, Robin joins these two as the Banal Trinity), and in the case of Shannon (whom finally warrants the effort to come up with a nickname, and that she shall henceforth be known as the Shark for her rows and rows of teeth) possibly the most uninteresting character in all the reality shows that I watch, since the positive aspects of her personality remain entirely on the physical level (though as far as mental density goes, the guy from Joe Millionaire 2 is the all-time turkey). (Insert polemics about certain strands of Christianity (typically fundamentalist-leaning) and the subsequent tendency to deny individual and critical thought.)

As for Kesse, the producers try to build her up as a complex character by positioning her as an in-betweener, able to cross comfortably from the Nones (geddit Nones-NUNS LOL OMG ROFFLE) into Elyse and Pokey's room (and remembering the extremity of her donk donk dance from a few episodes back, though the only girl who didn't participate was Our Favorite Indieist). Unfortunately, she squanders whatever credibility she might've earned as a transcendent figure with an apparent lack of common sense. Getting suckered in to browse les baumes français and then brushing it off as an insignificant trifle is a total n00b move.

Now for the new obligatory What Robin Did This Time part of this entry: after wondering aloud about the lack ofVenetiann gondoliers and canals in Paris, she then pulls aside a French pedestrian and in with broad, uncommunicative gestures, decides to pay him to guide her around the city and remarks, "This is how we do things in America." Translation: Americans can't be bothered to abide by the cultural mores of other nations, so they buy off the locals to do it for them. A truly beautiful moment.

(Other horrible "Ugh, zese Américain touristes" moments include two of the dumb (surprise!) girls, Kesse and Shannon, cooing about the beauty of the Parisian Eyesore.)

And I can't forget the part where Pokey was deliberately saying off-color things like, "How do you say 'how bad does your cooch smell?'" and Robin obliviously responding, "When Adrianne says things that are inappropriate, I might look at her, in the way a teacher would look at you if you did something inappropriate in class." Her out of touch patronizing OH MY GOD SHE MAKES ME WANT TO KILL.

Oh oh and she was as subtle as a bulldozer setting Shark up on a date with that rock of a model...!

I shall try to regain my sanity by getting on to ELYSE CONTENT STARTS HERE. Really wasn't much, however, just a reiteration of her role as a hybridized reality tv viewer/participant when she admitted to delighting in the watching the sparks Pokey caused with Robin.

Addenda: Really it was quite a great Robin episode. Also, I was delighted to see that they finally put table cloth onto the judge's table so I didn't have to see their legs all crammed uner it.

THE ELYSE INDIE AWARD OF THE WEEK

Remember when I expressed my fear that Elyse would end up winning this (cheap stab at cultural relevance) award for something like 8 weeks straight? Those fears are apparently unfounded, because for the second week in a row, I'm giving it to myself for forgetting to award it out on time.

But we all ("we all"?) know who's going to get this week's ELYSE: Elyse! This time it's for marginalization thanks to the bulimia persecution strategem used by the "Popular Girls." Because being indie means being an outcast and being picked on for one reason or another.

Which makes me wonder who the leader (i.e. the most dominant/domineering person) is in the remaining bunch. Taking into consideration the two factions (split between Adrianne/Elyse and Robin/Kesse/Shannon), it would seem that Robin lords (ladies?) herself around the house the most. She does and says what she wants whenever she wants to, and her desires are usually attended to whether it's convenient for the others or permissible within the show's rules.